He understood to a certain degree, but Daryl was right. A bond with him would mean Daryl never had to worry about someone else coming between them. Deep down wasn’t that what he wanted? It wasn’t his decision to make though, and once again he refused to try and persuade Daryl otherwise.
Whether Jason agreed with them or not, Daryl had his reason, and he needed to respect them. “It’ll be okay,” he whispered. Gesturing between them, he shrugged a shoulder. “I mean, this bit is going to suck for a while, but we’ll get over it and move on. Hopefully in a few months we can go back to being—” What exactly? They were packmates, always, but they hadn’t exactly been friends before.
Jason didn’t want to go back to that, though. “Friends?” he asked, tentatively.
“Yeah.” Daryl almost smiled, the edges of his mouth curving up the barest of amounts. “Friends.”
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
As soon as the bathroom door clicked shut, blocking Jason from view, Daryl slumped onto the bed with his head in his hands.
How the fuck did I let this happen?
Too keyed up to sit still for long, he collapsed back onto the sheets with a frustrated groan. His hand automatically fell over his heart, absently rubbing at the ache permanently etched there now.
Guilt washed through him in huge swirling waves that threatened to drown him any moment.
He’d taken Jason’s sunshine and happiness and replaced it with sadness and longing. The amused, excited glint to his eye no longer there when he looked at Daryl. He missed it. Missed the ready smile, the easy way he took Daryl’s sometimes-abrupt behaviour and pulled him out of his brooding moods.
But it wasn’t only that.
He knew how bonds worked. The fact his wolf recognised Jason as a potential mate meant that they were compatible on a base level. He’d begun to like Jason too much already, unsurprising in hindsight. They’d been in each other’s pockets for days, a fair chunk of that time spent having sex. But that was nothing compared to the way he felt now. He’d called on every last ounce of restraint not to fuck him right there against the wall, sink his teeth into the taut flesh of his neck, and claim him.
And that made him feel guiltiest of all.
How could he want the one thing that had devastated his parents? How could he look at himself in the mirror every morning if he bonded with Jason?
Fucking bonds.
Fucking instincts.
The urge to hit something had him up on his feet and out the door. Didn’t matter if the council would be here soon, he needed to let off some steam.
If anyone spoke to him on his way outside, he didn’t hear them, too focused on holding himself together until he could let his frustrations out in the safety of the trees.
THE FRESH SCENT of alpha lingered around the entrance when Daryl finally returned to the lodge. Despite a punishing run through the surrounding forest, he still felt on edge, skin too tight, like he needed to shift and run. Shame that wasn’t possible now the full moon was passed. He needed to be home, needed to be in familiar territory with his unit and his alpha. Although Cam probably wasn’t best pleased with him at this moment after the short message he’d left on Cam’s voicemail. Despite his longing for home, he couldn’t go back yet.
That would feel like running away, like giving up, and Daryl had never run away from anything.
He wouldn’t leave Jason here to deal with the aftermath alone. Unless he asked him to go. Daryl stopped with a hand on the door. Maybe he should be the one asking that question? He was the one causing pain for them both; maybe he should offer to leave instead of stubbornly insisting to stay.
He found Jason talking to Alpha Cornell in the dining area, the rest of their pack suspiciously absent.
When Jason saw him glancing around, he excused himself and walked over. “Rachel and Jenn took everyone out about twenty minutes ago.”
“Where?” Daryl hadn’t heard anyone come his way.
“They’ve gone to get a look at the obstacle course we’ll all be doing in a few days. Apparently
some of the obstacles require a team effort, so they’re going to do a walkthrough, see what’s what.”
Daryl nodded. “And also a convenient way to get them out of earshot?”
“Yes, Mr Easton.” Alpha Cornell joined them. “That’s an added benefit. I won’t lie.” She glanced between the two of them. “Have you made your decision?”
“I’d like a quick word with Jason first, if you don’t mind?”
“Not at all.” She gestured for them to go outside. “Come find me when you’re ready.”
