“Yes please—oh, and can you add honey on top?”
My eyes widen, and he winks.
“What about you, man?” His flirtatious eyes leave mine as he looks innocently to Gage.
“An Americano.” Gage’s fingers tapping on the counter draw my attention momentarily. I can imagine he doesn’t know what to dowith those fingers when they aren’t on a phone, wrapped around a coffee, or typing away on his gadgets.
“Your loss. A Leo, honey, and cinnamon.” He lets out a playful moan. “Practically an orgasm in a cup. Don’t you think, pretty bird?”
His mocking expression makes me reach across the counter and slap the bill of his ball cap.
Gage’s eyes bounce back and forth between Ev and me. “I don’t even want to know what this is about.”
Laughing, Ev pays and then slides his receipt over to me. A note is scribbled at the bottom, as always.
"I’ve got a tongue like a razor
A sweet switchblade knife
And I can do you favors, but then you’ll do whatever I like."
– Ev
I give him a glare. Another receipt I have to hide from Ski.
I immediately recognized the lyrics from “Rocket Queen” by Guns N’ Roses. I shake my head at him and hand him his cup with my note written on it.
"Don’t ever leave me, say you’ll always be there.
All I ever wanted was for you to know that I care."
– Leo
I give him the last lines of the same song. A truth hidden in music. I’ve never been one to listen to music all that much. I never really had the means to do so, but now I love to listen in Ev’s truck. Oftentimes, Ev and I will hang out in his truck at lunch or after school before practice. These solitary moments are where I truly fell for him. I find so much comfort in the sad truths that these bands have turned into music. Makes me feel a little less alone in this world.
And as I write the lyrics on his cup and he walks away with his goofy smile, I hope and pray with all that I have that he knows how deep the truth in these words runs in my heart.
Ihad the most perfect weekend with Ev. I still can’t stop smiling, feeling so hopeful that this is something that will last. I feel like I had a glimpse into our future. Playing house with him. Him cooking for me, showering together, getting ready together, going to bed together. We read books while snuggled on the couch. He even taught me how to play chess. Which I still don't understand. We talked about our future, our plans. How we will manage things when we graduate. Which was extremely difficult because his answer to anything was, "Whatever you want, I'll make it happen." Or it was, "We will figure it out when we come across it." Which made me want to strangle him. I'm a planner. He knows this. I can't just wing it.
But despite his frustrating nonchalance, I never tired of him. Never felt that sense of fear that tends to creep in at night.
Ev and his family are out of town this week for some event, and the ache that I feel in my chest from not seeing or hearing from him is torture. I am not sure how I became so dependent on him for my own happiness. Deep down, I know that this is not healthy, I should be able to find happiness on my own. But I can’t help it. He is mylight, and although I have lived in and found comfort in darkness, being with Ev has made me want more,needmore.
I try to focus on my studies. Despite our plans for after high school, I am still in need of a scholarship to be able to afford a college education. As I drag my eyes over the same paragraph that I should have annotated thirty minutes ago, I hear Gage’s deep, rumbling timber.
“Leora, can I join you?”
“Would it matter if I said no?”
“No. Not really,” he says as he shrugs then sits across from me.
“This is weird.” I close my book because, let’s be honest, I’m not going to get anything done.
“Is it?” His tone is flat, completely unbothered by my nervousness.
“Yes. You don’t like me.”
He tilts his head and his brows pull in, making a small crease between his hazel eyes.
