It’s you and me, Leo. Always.
Just talk to me, baby.
I love you.
– Ev
I hated that he thought he did something. That he could ever do anything. He has been nothing but caring and supportive. Patient. Relentless in his pursuit of loving me. In showing me how to love myself. It kills me that I haven’t told him. But I’m not brave enough. Not yet. So I choose to be a coward, my biggest fear playing in my head over and over. What if he is like my father? What if he leaves and chooses his own, unencumbered path?
It’s not you.
Phoenix.
– Leo
Then another.
I’m a desperate man here, Leo.
I’m going insane.
Where are you?
You’re so far from me now.
But it doesn’t matter.
I’ll catch you.
There is nothing you can do or say that would make me change my mind about you.
I’ll be waiting for you.
– Ev
God, he is killing me. I can’t take it anymore. I have to tell him. I have been so distant from him. We still kiss and hang out, but I barely speak. I can even see the worry in Gage’s eyes. He knows something is wrong too. Even Ski has asked me what's up, and I just keep lying. On top of that, the nausea has been relentless. Thankfully I don’t throw up all that much, just if I eat too much, which has led me to not really eat at all. Which in turn leads everyone to worry even more.
I finally took a test last week. And like I knew it would be, the blaring plus sign filled my mind with worry, but my heart? My heart grew in my chest. Knowing Ev and I made this perfect little blip. As scared and uncertain as I was of what our future would look like now, this baby was part of him, and because of that, I loved our little blip so much already. I decided to put my big-girl panties on and tell him, and on my birthday no less.
I love you.
Meet me at Mill’s tonight.
I've been keeping a secret and I'm ready to share it.
I'm sorry.
– Leo
My heart has been racing all day. And not in the good way. In thewhat the fuck is going to happen; I’m about to get my heart brokenkindof way. My work today has been more than lacking, and I feel guilty for that. Guilty for the poor performance I’m giving Ski, guilty for keeping this secret, guilty that despite the fact I know this will derail all of Ev’s and my plans, I want this baby more than anything.
Lost in my mind, I’m wiping down a table that I’ve already cleaned three times. I hear the bell ring overhead and expect Ev, but when I turn, it’s Ev’s mom. Dread fills my chest, and I go into panic mode. I want to flee, to run, but I’m a mother now myself and I need to find my courage. She is, after all, going to be a grandma to this child.
“Hello, Leora. May we talk?” She holds my gaze, her eyes almost gloating.
I walk over to a table and glance at Ski, who nods, giving me permission to take a break for whatever this is.
“Your mom came to me last week. With this.”
