“I would have been there if I had known,” I say with a little more irritation than I mean to.
“Known what, Everett?” She spits that irritation right back at me.
Before I can respond, Rune calls to me.
“Dr. Giraffe! Come play with us!”
I begin to walk away but chance a glance back at Leo one more time. I just shake my head at her.
“I would have been there if I had known you were fucking pregnant.”
Her mouth drops open to respond, her eyes wide as saucers, but I can’t do this right now. I can’t hear her blame me for not being there when she ran from me.
If he had known?
If he had known?
I feel my heart pounding in my chest. What does he mean if he had known? He did know. Didn’t he? Now I am questioning everything. Replaying that day in Mill’s over in my head. His mom… She said that she told him. That letter… It was in his handwriting. I had a feeling in my gut that he would never leave me, but I had solid proof. My heart and my gut and my mind, all at war with each other. I don’t know what to believe, but that letter was written in his handwriting.
The words he said.
You and I are nothing alike.
I would be miserable.
I don’t want the future that I would be forced to have if I stayed with you.
He even signed it…
– Everett
My world feels like it’s collapsing. What is going on? He knew. He had to.
As my mind is crumbling, trying to recount everything that happened that day, I remember the other note he wrote me that day. The first folded rose that I have been too scared to open.
I practically run to my car and dig through my purse till I find the one I am looking for. The one labeled January 22, 2016.
I lock myself in my car, still able to see Rune and Everett playing catch.
I open his note.
January 22, 2016
Where did you run to, pretty bird?
Why did you run?
I don’t know what's going on. I can’t find you anywhere.
Ski said that my mom came to see you and then you ran.
I can’t breathe without you.
There is a heaviness in my chest without you.
I don’t want to do this without you.
Why did you run from me?
