“Okay.” The fight or flight instinct didn’t quite leave him as a result, but I watched as his gaze began to settle, to stop looking for every nook and cranny in the room. “I’m sorry. I wanted to go to the club with you; I just didn’t want to do more.”
“More?”
I wasn’t trying to push him, but I didn’t see where he was going with this now.
Santos grimaced. “I know we’ve technically fucked in front of others. With your online Dom, and with Tony, but I wasn’t sure I wanted to do it right there.”
“Santos, I…” Fuck. I ran a hand through my hair. One day, I wouldn’t hate every second of trying to say what was on my mind and failing, but today was not that day. “I would never… I wasn’t even thinking about that. I just liked the idea of you being there, because everything is easier when you’re there. That’s it.”
“I didn’t want to watch others, either.”
I grimaced. When had I fucked up so bad, I hadn’t even explained the basics?
“Then you wouldn’t have. I mean, the club is all about sex, but not during a workshop, and there are areas you can go to, plus my friends would never do anything you weren’t comfortable with. Consent also applies to bystanders, like…Karahas impact play as a hard limit because of stuff with her ex, and no one will do anything when she’s in the room. You know.”
Did I think rambling about Kara helped? Nope. Did I still do it? Yeah. I had the urge to clamp a hand over my mouth to get me to stop talking, but thankfully, the verbal diarrhea died down on its own.
“That’s good. I’m…” He waved his hand around the space between us. “I’m sorry.”
I shook my head right away. “It’s fine. I know I keep pushing you.”
“I want you to.”
That didn’t make a whole lot of sense. I didn’t have the energy to fight it, though, so I just shrugged it away and went back to preparing for bed. And to pretending the shiver that came over me when he got in the bed after me and spooned me like nothing was wrong between the two of us was just a response to the cold.
thirty-six
caged_pig
Hello, Sir Ismael
Is it okay if I ask you something? I think you might have some insight I'm missing
Sir Ismael
You really didn't block me?
caged_pig
No, I told you I wouldn't
Sir Ismael
What is it, Ev?
caged_pig
You remember my friend, the one who moved in with me?
Sir Ismael
Pretty hard to forget, don't you think?
caged_pig
Well, I wanted your advice
After I ended things with you, things were a bit rocky, then they went back to normal, and now they're rocky again, and some people around me say it's because we need a third to act as a Dom, and I think maybe it's me because I'm too much, and he just won't tell me
