‘Maybe you start by keeping your expectations realistic. Remind yourself there’s no pressure to search for the perfect match, and that you can date and have a nice time without it having to be anything more complicated.’
‘By realistic, you mean low.’ Cassie pulled a face and they laughed. ‘I’ve never done this before. How many people meet their future life partners on a Scottish beach when they’re both teenagers?’
‘Just the lucky ones,’ Pippa said softly. ‘Please promise me you’ll be careful and follow due diligence before and during any dates? Check them out first and make certain someone knows where you are.’
‘Of course I will. It’s like buying something on Amazon, all that swiping. Ordering up people like pizza.’ That made Pippa laugh again, and Cassie shook her head. ‘If I actually do find a decent date, you, Isla and Rory will be the first to know. There’s no point in having someone in my life if it’s not going to work.’
She flushed guiltily. Raf was a traveller who roamed the world, and Pippa despaired of him ever settling down. ‘And seriously, how many middle-aged men are going to want a widow approaching perimenopause, plus two bereaved teenage kids? I wouldn’t take me on.’
‘That’s because you don’t see what the rest of us do when you look in the mirror. You may not take after your mother in many ways, but you can at least thank her for that. And there will be someone, just give it time. Maybe he’ll be a person in a similar situation, and he’ll understand because he’s already been through it.’
‘Yeah, maybe,’ Cassie said wryly, linking arms with Pippa as they made for the house beyond the terrace. ‘And maybe it’s just not for me and I’m better on my own.’
It struck Cassie that Pippa’s decision to include her in this lunch maybe meant that her friend somehow knew about her and Raf. And if so, was Pippa thrusting Cassie in Jago’s path as an attempt to make sure her best friend and her brother didn’t make any more stupid mistakes? And worse, had Raf confessed and enlisted Pippa’s help to keep Cassie at bay? To make certain there would be no repeat of what they’d done, not that she wanted such a thing. But Cassie’s mind constantly tugged her back to thoughts of him in Australia, those moments alone beside the pool, his eyes questioning and somehow still certain right before they’d…
‘Cass? You were miles away.’
‘Sorry!’ she replied hastily. ‘What were you saying?’
‘Just that whatever you decide, I’ll support you.’ The door to the kitchen was open, and the dogs charged past Pippa to crash into their beds, raising their heads in hopes of treats. ‘You’re the most wonderful mum and simply brilliant at your job. And you’re always checking in with everyone else, so it’s about time you put yourself first for a change.’
‘Thanks, Pippa, I really appreciate it.’ But putting herself first always led to daydreams of Raf and what Cassie couldn’t have. She couldn’t be the one to come between brother and sister, and force either of them to choose. ‘Not much has changed in here since last time, then.’ She smiled as she looked at the decades-old beige cupboards and scuffed worktop.
‘No, the builders are still busy with the practice and then they’ll start on the house.’ Pippa rolled her eyes. ‘I can’t wait to have a proper kitchen again. I’m convinced that old range is going to pack up any minute, but Gil says it’ll go on forever.’
‘He’s probably right.’ Cassie eyed the dark blue range; it must have seen thousands of meals prepared in this room. ‘So tell me a bit more about Jago, then. It wouldn’t hurt to be prepared.’
‘Agreed. So he was born in the Dales and decided to come home when his marriage ended. Two grown-up daughters, and I’m pretty sure he’s single. Andveryeasy on the eye. If I wanted to be picky, his hair could be shorter.’
‘I was thinking more about his work,’ Cassie said drily as Pippa put down the bag and removed a tray of prepared vegetables from the fridge. ‘Not so much his personal credentials.’
‘Ah.’ Pippa’s laugh was an unabashed one as she set the tray down. ‘Well, he describes himself as an observer, one who’s deeply fascinated by the natural world and our connection with it. His work aims to make sense of that connection while striving to maintain the mystery of what we can’t, or don’t, see for ourselves. He still shows with a gallery in London and thought it would be nice to expand his reach closer to home. I can’t tell you how happy I am he chose us, Cassie. It’s huge for the gallery, and we’re planning a launch in July. I’d love you to come.’
‘I will if I can,’ she promised, hauling a bag over each shoulder ready to cart upstairs. The summer holidays seemed ages away, and she had family plans to make for those six weeks before then. ‘I’ll run and freshen up, then put me to work. I’m here to help.’
‘You’re also here to relax for a few hours before Galloway and helping Fiona and Gordon pack up the house,’ Pippa remonstrated mildly. ‘So enjoy it, please. Everything’s under control.’
‘Thank you.’ She still hadn’t quite got her head around her parents-in-law’s move and the loss of the home in the Scottish Borders she loved like her own. Upstairs in the guest room, she dropped the bags onto the double bed and unzipped one.
‘Mum?Mum?’ There was a knock before the door flew open and Rory charged in, his face pink. Cassie’s heart softened at the sight, aware of the ever-present sadness for her children and the gaping void Ewan had left in their lives. Rory looked so like his dad, the same scattered freckles and chestnut-brown hair, the matching determination in his smile, which had carried Ewan from a farmhouse in Galloway on a journey to becoming one of the finest neurosurgeons in the country.
‘What’s the matter?’ She held out a hand, more in hope than expectation. He was well on the way to becoming a young man, with a voice that had broken and fuzz emerging on his face. She and Isla were navigating the road to womanhood together, and it was another level of hurt that Rory couldn’t do the same with his dad.
That brought Raf to mind again, who did all he could to step into the breach and had recently helped Rory choose his first razor. No matter how things were between them, she was endlessly grateful for his care towards her children, especially Rory. She hugged Isla and Rory whenever they would allow it, reminding them every day how much they were loved, something she’d learnt from Ewan and his family, not her own.
‘Have you seen my jersey, the green Endurance one Raf got me?’
Cassie swallowed. There he was again, popping up in conversation. She wondered if Raf was also planning to help her parents-in-law move out of their home. They looked on him almost as another son since those childhood holidays stretching back to their teenage years. She touched her forehead, trying to smooth away the nagging headache. Not that she could escape him in London either. Raf lived in his dad’s London flat now the band had finally split. He was also spending more time with Pippa and Gil in Hartfell, and according to Rory, the Norfolk cottage where he went alone to write songs had been empty for a few weeks.
‘It’s in your case, in the car,’ she replied. ‘I washed it last night so you could bring it.’
‘Thanks, Mum.’ Rory grinned as he came over and Cassie wrapped her arms around her son, some of her tension slipping away as she held him. He let go and, at the door, turned to look at her again.
‘Did you get Raf’s message? He said he’d rung you twice but hadn’t heard back.’
‘I did, yes.’ She caught sight of her phone on the bed and turned it over. She’d had enough of looking at that selfie, the four of them beaming into the camera, arms around one another. She wondered what could be so urgent that Raf had involved Rory. ‘I’ve been busy getting ready for our time away and just forgot to ring him back.’ It was mostly true. She had been distracted.
‘Seriously?’ Rory pursed his lips in the way she was so familiar with. ‘Maybe he wants to come to Granny and Grandpa’s with us? It would be pointless to take two cars if we only need one. He might bring his bike so we can go out.’ Diagnosed as dyslexic when he was seven, he’d always been a problem solver and able to see the bigger picture.
