‘Oh! To see Fiona and Gordon and find out if they’re settling in as well as she says they are. You know what she’s like, she hates to trouble anyone.’
‘Yeah,’ he said drily. ‘Reminds me of someone else I know.’
‘Ha, ha. I’d love to explore the village again and visit the shop, too. I love a village shop; they’re the best. People have time for each other, and they aren’t usually trying to elbow past everyone else. Plus they sell all the goodies I never eat at home.’ She paused. ‘Do you think it would be okay if I took Flynn with me when I walk? I’m used to walking Bramble and Briar, and I’ll be very careful with him, I promise.’
‘I think he’d love that.’ Raf glanced at the snoozing dog, limbs extended on the grass. ‘He’s very good on the lead, and any extra walks are welcome, hey, Flynn?’ Flynn opened an eye and raised his head.
Now Cassie was looking forward to the morning even more, thankful she hadn’t booked the French camping trip. ‘So how does Hartfell compare to Norfolk? You’re closer to the village here.’
‘It just feels right. I love London and always will, but Norfolk taught me that I don’t want to live in the city twenty-four seven, especially now.’ He watched Flynn’s legs twitching as he chased something in his dreams. ‘I’ve seen a lot of airports and cities in my time, and eventually they all start to feel the same. I need space and room to breathe. I thought this house would be good for all of us because I believe we can be happy here, now Galloway has gone. And we really need that, don’t you think?’
‘But what about when… If…’ She didn’t want to put into words her fear of him falling in love with someone else, despite the happiness she hoped for him to find. But one day he would, and she’d wish him well and step away – there could be no other choice. ‘You meet someone you want to be with.’
‘I’m not looking for that, Cass.’ His gaze was open on hers and she wondered if she was imagining that it was telling her so much more.
‘Yeah, well, those things usually happen exactly when we’re not looking for them.’ She wanted him, longed for him. Would that feeling never go away? Was one kiss really going to define the rest of her life, because it simply wasn’t enough?
‘You believe that?’ He leant forward and put his glass down, hands loose between his thighs. ‘Because I do.’
‘I believe in doing the right thing,’ she said shakily. She knew from Pippa’s messages that his sister despaired of Raf’s refusal to take advantage of the occasions when she had tried to bring him and Allegra together. Pippa had railed to Cassie that her brother was a lost cause where commitment was concerned, and she doubted he would ever make a success of a stable, long-term partnership. How would Pippa or Ewan’s parents ever accept such a man in Cassie’s life, when an eventual break-up would fracture the closeness they all depended on, especially Isla and Rory? Desire and longing for someone she couldn’t have were temporary; her children’s happiness was not.
‘Define “right”.’
‘Not making the same mistake twice,’ she replied quickly. How was it that their words and their eyes could be holding two separate conversations?
‘And you think that what happened, what we did…?’ He tailed off as her hand shot in the air between them.
‘The only way I can deal with that is to never speak of it,’ she muttered. ‘Please, Raf, it’s over. Let’s not go there again. We agreed to forget.’
‘We did. I’m sorry.’ The shutters came down once again as he looked out across the gardens, before he turned back to her. ‘I wanted to run something by you. Nothing too personal.’
‘Oh?’ That was a relief.
‘Pippa’s friends with someone who helps run a local youth programme and they’ve asked me if I’d be interested in speaking with the group. Share my experience about life at their age. They’re similar to Isla and Rory.’
‘And what do you think?’ Cassie didn’t want to apply pressure if Raf felt it wasn’t for him and would expose parts of his life he preferred to keep private.
‘I’d like to do it, and I wondered what you thought?’
‘Truthfully, I think you would be amazing. You’re so good with our three, and they really respect what you say.’
‘For an old guy.’ They shared a grin, more natural this time.
‘Yes, even for an old guy.’
‘It’s not about the band and how I got into music.’ He rested a hand on his thigh, one finger tapping a beat. ‘I’m well aware I had a lucky break because of my dad. It’s more about… growing up when life doesn’t look how you hoped it would.’
‘And you’re okay with that?’
‘I think so.’ He nodded. ‘No, I am. What use is my experience if I keep it to myself? I guess it would be an extension of what I already do with Isla and Rory, but that’s easy, because I love them.’
‘Please don’t forget you worked very hard for your success and you’re an incredible musician,’ Cassie told him softly. ‘You earned it, no matter how it started. They wouldn’t have kept you on otherwise, and you brought the band a lot of new fans. And if I can help…’
‘Thanks, Cass, I appreciate you saying that. Just being here to hold my hand will help. Metaphorically speaking.’ Their eyes met before he smiled at Flynn gently snoring. ‘So tell me how you are now you’ve walked away from your career?’
‘Walked away?’ Her laugh was a brittle one. ‘You make it sound as though I’ve just given up.’ Had she? Guilt was beginning to prod, reminding her that millions of other working mums succeeded where she had apparently failed. ‘I couldn’t leave Isla and Rory to take off wherever the group wanted to send me. Jas is wonderful, but she’s not staying forever, and they need me. Are you saying you think I made the wrong choice?’
‘Of course I’m not. I’m sorry, that was clumsily worded.’ Raf stretched his arm out again as he leant back. ‘You put your family before your career, and that’s a nearly impossible choice given what you’re all going through. My dad made a different choice to carry on working when we lost my mum, and who knows what our lives would’ve been like if Pippa hadn’t stepped in when she did? But I don’t blame him for that. He carried his own grief over my mum, and he made our lives secure in other ways.’
