‘You don’t actually know what I’m thinking, Mum. And it doesn’t matter what you say.’ The ice in Rory’s gaze was unfamiliar, and she was chilled by it. ‘Now everyone knows you betrayed Dad with his best friend, even if you say it isn’t true.’
‘Rory, those pictures… They’re not the whole truth, I swear.’ But weren’t they, though? It was her greatest fear about Raf, that she’d never reconcile her feelings for her husband’s friend and allow herself to live them. She’d been calling it betrayal herself for months.
‘Your dad and I loved each other, and I’ll always love him.’ Her words caught on a sob. ‘Nobody can ever change that.’
‘Forget it. There’s nothing you could say to make this better.’ Rory shoved his chair back and leapt up, snatching his phone.
She stared after him, his feet clattering along the passageway. She covered her face with her hands as Isla stood up too, braced for another angry exit. But tears began to fall when she felt her daughter’s arms go around her shoulders.
‘I’m so sorry, Isla.’ Cassie hiccupped. ‘I didn’t plan any of this. I wasn’t expecting it.’ She raised her head, swiping at the blotches staining her cheeks. ‘And I swear, the very last thing on my mind was to ever hurt you or Rory. You’re my heart, both of you.’
‘It’s okay, Mum. I get it.’
‘Is it okay, though? What if Rory always hates me after this?’ Rationally she didn’t imagine he would, but right now that time felt a very long way off.
‘He’ll come around, don’t worry,’ Isla said calmly. ‘It was pretty obvious to me and Harriet how you and Raf feel. You’re always so awkward around each other, and Harriet said she’s never known him not have a girlfriend this long.’
‘Seriously?’
‘Yeah.’ Isla shrugged with all the insouciance of any fifteen-year-old unconcerned about a parent’s love life. ‘But Rory didn’t see it coming and he’s put Raf on the same pedestal as Dad. In his eyes they can pretty much do no wrong.’
‘And so I’m the bad guy,’ Cassie said faintly. ‘He’s right about that. I’m the one who’s married.’
‘Was married,’ Isla corrected her kindly. ‘I’m sorry, Mum, I know that’s a horrible thing to say.’
‘But it’s true,’ she replied sadly. ‘Even though it’s taken me a long time to get used to it.’
‘You just fell in love again, that’s all. You’re not a bad guy, and we still love you.’
Cassie gaped as Isla let her go. She’d barely even allowed herself to think such a thing, much less have it pointed out by her own teenage daughter. But it was there, wedged now between her and her son, no matter how much she wanted to pretend otherwise.
‘There wasn’t anything between us before Australia, Isla, I promise. Only one unexpected kiss when we were away that I’ve been trying to forget ever since.’ She took a deep breath. ‘But whatever I feel, I can’t share my life with anyone who doesn’t fit, or Rory can’t accept. You and Rory come first, always, and I never wanted you to find out this way. I’ve let everyone down.’
‘Mum, seriously, stop talking crap! Yeah, we would’ve preferred to hear it from you, but it doesn’t matter what anyone else outside the family thinks. You deserve to be happy, both of you.’ Isla grabbed an apple from the fruit bowl and went to the door. ‘And anyway, if we could choose our own stepdad, Raf would be the only one we’d want. Rory just needs to get his head around it and then he’ll be fine.’
‘Sweetheart, I think it’s too late for that. And we probably all need to get used to seeing less of Raf.’ Cassie looked around the kitchen she’d come to think of as home, reminded too of the village and the community she’d fallen in love with. And Flynn, he would be home soon, and she would have to leave him here as well. But this was a dream, a summer interlude, and they had to go back. And now, with weeks of the holiday still to come, they’d have to return early because she couldn’t stay here in Raf’s house, not after this. They’d have to cut short their summer, something else Rory would hate her for.
‘Why?’ Isla flashed her a grin. ‘Harriet told me what you said to Pippa last year, about grabbing love with both hands when it comes around. Why should you be any different? We already love Raf like family.’
Then she was gone, taking her optimism and her sense with her, leaving Cassie feeling more confused than ever. But her children’s happiness and security were the lifelines she needed to cling to, and their feelings came first. Always.
She still hadn’t spoken to Raf; there didn’t seem to be anything to say. She was the one at fault, the one with children, and he’d done nothing other than be wonderful to her when she didn’t deserve it. She ignored the new messages from Fiona; there was no one she wanted to talk to, no one who could truly understand what she’d done. Majorca seemed like a dream already, the hours afterwards turning into a nightmare. Pippa had called three times, and Cassie was dreading having to speak with her eventually. The end of whatever it was she had shared with Raf was going to alter their own friendship, one which had endured more than thirty years. Perhaps it couldn’t survive this.
Later she was curled on the sofa in the television room, staring blankly at the screen and wondering when might be the right time to put pizza in the oven and call Rory down for supper, when Flynn ambled in. He spotted her and trotted straight over, resting his huge head on her lap as his tail wagged madly. His cheery welcome and quiet care were her undoing, and when Pippa followed a moment later, Cassie was sobbing as she clutched him, tears soaking his shaggy grey coat.
‘Cassie! Oh sweetheart, come here.’ Pippa clambered onto the sofa too and folded Cassie into her arms. ‘Hush, it’s okay. Please don’t cry.’
‘It’s not okay,’ Cassie muttered, still stroking Flynn’s head as her breath came in stuttering little gasps. ‘I’ve really messed up, Pippa, and now Rory can’t even stand to be in the same room with me.’
‘He’s a teenager and a boy trying to process his mum’s feelings about someone who’s not his dad, it goes with the territory.’ Pippa raised Cassie’s chin and passed her a tissue. ‘Darling, you’re allowed a life of your own, a private one that doesn’t include them.’
‘But not with their dad’s best friend,’ she said dully. ‘I’ve let everyone down, and Raf and I, we hadn’t even… I mean, in the pictures.’ She hesitated. There wasn’t much left that felt private anymore. ‘Nothing had really happened when they were taken. It was after…’
Their feelings had finally burst free that evening, when he’d opened her heart and made it his, had made her soul sing again. It wasn’t only making love and how unselfish he had been; Raf had revealed all of his own heart too, and she understood him in a way she never had before. The song he’d written for her and played as they’d danced, his vulnerabilities and the sadness he carried over not having children of his own. The life he’d made travelling the world, never standing still long enough to let anything hurt him after the woman he’d loved before had betrayed him. And the losses he lived with, just as Cassie did.
‘I did wonder, but then I decided I was wrong,’ Pippa said quietly. ‘But I’ve never known Raf to even think of buying his own home before. Every time the house was mentioned he asked me if I thought you’d be happy here and would use it for holidays. It’s obvious he chose it for you, Cassie. And your children.’
She opened her mouth and Pippa help up a hand. ‘And no, I don’t think it’s all because of Isla and Rory, and he was just being kind. There’s the way he looks at you and how you always seem to be trying not to look at him. I didn’t see it until we were all together for his birthday. I’m sorry for encouraging you with Jago, and Raf and Allegra. I can’t believe I was so blind. It’s wonderful that he’s making a life here, and I don’t think he’s planning to do that with someone who isn’t you.’
