“Now,” he pulls back, cutting off where this was leading. “If we’re done with that, let’s get ready and go downstairs.”
“But—”
“Patience, Little Siren.”
After raiding the kitchen for breakfast, I walk into the main room we use to display the items we, or rather Lyle, has traded or collected for sale. She’s setting a few things on the table, rearranging a jug, a collection of cups, and a silver tankard that’s been on offer since before I left.
“Are you ready?” I ask, hopeful that she’s changed her mind from last night.
Her hands still for a moment before returning to her work. “I’m not coming with you. I’m going to stay here and make sure you have a home to return to.”
She doesn’t stop her task, continuing to shift the items that don’t need any attention at all.
“No.” I shake my head. “You can’t. It might not be safe here, what if?—”
“It won’t be safe for you in Kirrasia either. Stars, Ever!” Lyle turns to me.
“I can’t stay and do nothing.” I will her to understand as we lock in a staring contest. I see the stubbornness in her, but sadness douses the anger that reared last night at her refusal to stand up for us.
In that instant, I fall back into the moment when she was sent away from me, outside the Tower. But I can’t reconcile the woman who filled me with such strength, such determination to hold my head and not show any weakness, with the woman who is hiding from what’s to come.
Would it be easier for me to run? To hide? To bury my head to the woes of the world and vanish with Ten until the repercussions of those actions are at our door? Yes.
But that’s not therightthing to do, and Lyle is the woman who taught me that. Squaring her decision in my mind is an impossible task.
“When I had to leave you, I thought it was the right thing. The safe thing, even if it crushed me. Now you’re back, safe, and I don’t want to lose you again.” She offers her explanation, one that only pulls at my heart, threatening to open the wound that is still so fragile from her first betrayal.
“You won’t.” I step towards her and squeeze her hands. “This isn’t the same, Lyle. I know that.”
“Do you? Because from where I’m sitting, it’s worse. Much worse.”
“You staying here won’t keep me safe, just the opposite. I want you by my side. But when you left me, it made me realise that I am stronger than I thought. You did that by being strong for me. So, I will do this even if you choose not to come. My strength is the one thing people underestimate, and I’ll continueto count on that until I meet someone who finally sees me as the threat I know I can be.” My voice grows hard, edged with the steel that’s been forged in the furnace of my heart, stoked from the battles and pain that I’ve suffered since setting foot in Kirrasia. And maybe this conversation with Lyle is what I need to finally understand that I can rely only on myself. That my strength is within me, with or without Aslendrix’s gift.
I walk away, not for the first time, and head out of the cottage that was my home, craving the air and the possibilities of the outside. I walk around to the back of the house and am confronted by a familiar friend.
“Nettle? Is that you?” I stroke his neck and am rewarded by a whinny that can only melt the hard exterior that has protected me from the disappointment Lyle has crafted. “Good boy. How are you even here, hmmm? Well, I’m glad you are. It will be good to have another friend for the journey back.”
The house becomes busy with activity, the handful of us now dwarfing the space that was always only for Lyle and me.
Lyle lets us ransack the place for supplies to cover the days ahead. It’s colder than when we travelled to Kirrasia and colder than in Nehandun.
Kalan hasn’t said a word. And even Calix is quiet.
Tension weighs heavily in the air, like a foreboding shadow of what lies ahead.
It would be easy, as easy as breathing, to turn around, go back to my room and lock the door. I’d sleep for a week. But I’ve already ruled that option out. It would make all our sacrifices for nothing, and Crimson’s death is worth more than an easy life.
It’s only been a few months since I left, yet I’m here again. Venturing into the unknown. At least I’m armed with as much knowledge as I can gather this time. Instead of secrets, I have the truth to shield me.
Ten hovers, and I’d wager he’d be holding my hand if he could, staying true to the words he whispered to me. I can’t be cross. It’s charming, in a way. And I let myself take solace in the new connection we’re building, a new one that doesn’t intrinsically link us.
Lyle doesn’t come out to see us off, even after we wait far longer than we should. And still I linger, testing Kalan’s tolerance for patience to its limit.
“Ever. We have to go.”
“I know!” I snap at Kalan and immediately regret it. “I’m sorry. Just… I need a minute, okay.”
He nods and turns his horse around, leaving me for a moment.
