I stare at the cottage, and a vision hits. No, not a vision. A sense of familiarity. But it sends chills over my body, creeping over me and pulling me into fear. This view of the cottage is the image I saw in my mind the first time I left for Kirrasia. Not similar, the same. That sense of déjà vu when I left the first time wasn’t just familiarity, it was my glimpse at the future—the future I’m living now.
It was so similar—I was confused and scared—I didn’t see it, but now, I do.
My heart starts to thunder in my chest at the reality of another vision coming true, proving Ten’s constant reassurance wrong. I swallow the shaking down and push through the taste of bile rising in my throat.
Not because I’ve seen myself lying wounded and bleeding, but because of what I did to Ascella.
“Hey, room for one more?”
Lyle’s voice startles me and pulls me from my spiral. She’s there, right in front of me. My spirit lifts from the punch of adrenaline and joy that seeing her saddled and ready on a horse gives me. Her soft smile banishes the fear that had crept intomy soul at my realisation that my visions maybe did show the future.
But I keep that to myself.
“Yes.” My answer comes out a little breathy, full of relief. “Yes, of course. What changed your mind?”
“I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t let you go out and face whatever it is you’re going to face without me. I’ve protected you all your life, and it doesn’t matter if I can’t protect you from what’s ahead. Even before your Transference, I wouldn’t have been able to, but what kind of…” She looks at me, her blue eyes shining with tears. The colour is haloed with fear. It’s so unusual for her to show her emotions like this. She’s been a steadfast and level-headed guide my entire life. I wait to see if she’ll say the word she stopped herself from uttering. I would have happily heard her call herself my mother. She is the only one I’ve ever known. She’s the only family I’ve ever known, and while I will grieve the loss of my parents, I didn’t know them, and I cannot change any of our pasts. Icanchange the course of the future before us. “I couldn’t watch you go alone. I won’t let you be alone this time. No matter what, I love you.”
“Thank you,” I force the words from my lips and try to clear my throat.
“Are we going? Because I won’t wait all day,” Kalan grumbles to us, and I nudge my heels into Nettle, setting off on the same journey we completed several months ago. All over again.
I smile at Kalan’s cantankerous voice and look at Lyle, who’s already set forward to follow.
Here we go.
Nettle is calm and seemingly like a different horse on this journey. He’s patient and well-behaved, and I don’t feel like I’ll be thrown from my seat any minute. I offer him firm strokes and whispers of encouragement at every opportunity.
The path isn’t the same as the one Lyle and I took, but I trust Kalan’s plan.
As the day draws on, I move Nettle from my position flanked by Ten and Lyle to ride next to my third protector.
We’ve slowed to a walk through a dense wooded area.
“I saw you,” I start, and Kalan looks at me, his permanent scowl not shifting on his rugged face. “In a memory. You were riding away from The Court. It was after a battle; the fire was still climbing the walls, and people were dead all around. You came riding out of the mist and smoke, straight past me.”
“Hmm,” he grunts.
“I didn’t know what it was then. But I think that was the battle they started. The one that claimed their lives.” I wait, hoping he’ll show mercy and fill in the blanks, but I keep my expectations simmering. I’ve been burned before.
“It was a day or two after the main fighting finished. Your parents didn’t want the bloodshed that had occurred. Your mother, at least, hoped that they could convince the Orders that she and Elex shouldn’t be kept apart and that the Chamber members alone shouldn’t have the power or control over what our people did. They loved each other and wanted to fight for a better world for the people they loved.”
This isn’t any different to what I’ve heard before, but somehow, it still hurts all the same. The words seem to crack a part of my heart, deep inside my chest. How can their love have started all of this?
“Fenix wasn’t lying when he said he’s fighting for what your parents started. It’s true, at its core. It might have become a little distorted and enflamed along the way. Still, Fenix believes he’s fulfilling what your parents wanted to achieve. That’s his weakness and his strength. Elex wanted to change the order of power. His initial plan morphed and grew beyond the simplicity of your mother’s ideas and love.”
Nettle continues to plod on through the trees, the beats of hooves behind us our accompanying tune, as I let Kalan’s words sink in.
“How did Micah’s parents die? Is it true what he said? Were they killed by mine?”
“Hmmm.” He doesn’t answer right away. “Power is a dangerous thing. Most people crave it, covet it, and its lure can blind those who don’t have it. Micah was naïve, and he saw you and everything you are, someone with power, as the enemy. His parents did die. But they weren’t murdered by Elex or Aerith. They died in the Battle of Decree. That is true, as did many others.”
“Who killed my parents?”
Kalan looks right at me as if startled by my question and shakes his head. “I don’t know. Not for certain.”
Fenix knew they were dead. Did he know this as well? Another puzzle piece of my history I’d have to beg and plead for? I didn’t want to have to ask him for anything more than absolutely necessary.
Unsurprisingly, Kalan sets a fast pace at every opportunity, and we all keep up. Just about. Until the light fades and we have no other choice but to rest.
