He tilted his head to the side and looked down at me. His expression was softer now than it was moments before.
“Yeah?”
I hesitated, but not for long.
“I want a baby.”
The words came out steadily, and I watched them hit him. I loved our family, but I had never asked for any of our other children. Maliah was conceived by accident. MJ was literally tossed into our lives, and well, with Maylee, let’s just say that we had a drunk ass night. Before we had the children, we had now, we survived a loss that would break some, but it somehow brought us closer. Losing a baby is not for the weak, especially the way we had lost ours, but that is a dark place that I try my hardest not to revisit.
I could tell that he was having doubts. With every pregnancy, I hit a wave of depression after just thinking about the son we had lost. I knew that this time things would be different, though. It had to be because it’s something that I want. I wanted to have a happy pregnancy for the first time ever, and more importantly, I wanted to stay in the right mindset even after the birth. There was a shift on his face. It was the way his thick brows pulled in slightly that showed me that the same memories I was thinking about, he was also.
“You serious?” he asked in a low tone.
“Yeah,” I nodded.
I was sure about my decision. This is what I wanted. He turned around fully to face me, and when he did, he searched my face like he needed to be sure this wasn’t just a feeling passing through. A phase that I would later regret.
“E…” he exhaled while shaking his head just a little. “I don’t want to lose you mentally again. Are you sure?”
With each patch of depression that I hit, he was right there by my side. Sitting behind me in the tub and massaging my shoulders while I cried out. We haven’t had moments like that in a while, still, they didn’t see long ago either. I didn’t look away. I held his glare. And I didn’t second-guess my statement once I said it.
“Yes.”
My response was sure and confident. And this time, when he looked at me, he saw it. I could tell by the way his expression softened. And even with everything sitting between us from the past, he didn’t shut my idea down. He just stood there holding me under the water. He leaned in and kissed me deeply. The air was thick with steam. heat clung to our skin, and water traced slow paths down his chest and over my shoulders. His hands slid up along my sides. His touch was firm but careful, like he was holding something fragile. Like he was holding something he didn’t want to mishandle. And it was me. Malik would always handle me with care.
I stepped closer without thinking, and my hands found what they always would. Without hesitation, I started massaging his strength, which caused him to hiss out. His forehead pressed to mine, and his breath was warm against my lips as his eyes closed for a brief second.
“E…” he murmured, my name quieter now but this time rougher around the edges.
I took one hand and started tracing it up his chest while I was still working on his tool with my other one.
“I mean it,” I whispered. “All of it. I want a baby.”
His grip around my waist tightened just slightly. Not enough to hurt, but firm enough to let me know that we were about to take it there. He reached down again and kissed me again. This time deeper than before. Slower.
I melted into it, and when he turned me around and gently pressed me against the glass, I assumed the position and arched my back in a way that would give him full access to me. The water ran over us, but neither of us paid any attention to it. All that existed was the space we created between breaths… between touches… between the quiet understanding passing back and forth without words. I wanted a baby, and by the way he was digging deep into my garden, it was evident that he got the message loud and clear.
Every touch felt intentional.
“Mmm,” I hummed out when I felt my climax on the horizon.
“Let it out,” he instructed.
Every second stretched just enough to matter. And at that moment, there was no past loss, no hesitation, and no fear strong enough to pull us apart. It was just us.
“Malikkkkkk…” I hissed out with my climax.
“Yes, ma.”
He pulled my hair off the nape of my neck and placed gentle kisses as he moved in a circular motion in my honey pot.
“You really want a baby, E?”
“Yes, baby.”
The sound of water hitting the stone floor and our moans filled the bathroom.
“Yes, baby… I want a baby.”
