I focused on the wall as they shared a private moment. I tried not to think about the fact that if I did find my Chosen, I would never be able to kiss her, and I’d feed on her every time we had sex. I could only imagine how thrilled so many women would be to find themselves bound to someone like me.
The idea of feeding on anyone made my stomach twist, but at the same time, hunger churned through my veins. I dragged a hand through my hair and tugged at the ends of it as I tried to regain control of myself. I needed to feed, but even with the pleasure it gave me as it eased my hunger, Iloatheddoing it.
But I couldn’t stay here.
“If you don’t mind, I’m going to take a shower,” I said abruptly.
“Oh, of course,” Erin said. “I put some clean clothes in your room and washed the blankets. We’ll walk home with you.”
“No, stay here,” I said. “Enjoy the party. I’ll be back.”
Before she could reply, I hugged her again and turned on my heel, leaving the hall.
Chapter Three
Hawk
I examined the buildings and homes in the town as I walked through it. Everything was much as I remembered it, if only a little more weather-worn, but then, so was I. Stopping outside of the house Vargas and I used to share with a couple of other male soldiers, I studied the chipping white paint and sagging shutters.
I tried to recall what it had been like to live here as a human; had I worried about death? I’d thought about women a lot and brought more than my fair share back here, but things were simpler then. That was before I was a demon, before I accidentally ruined Sarah’s life by kissing her, before I entered Hell, but mostly, it was before I lost my family.
When I volunteered to come to the wall, I knew there was a chance I’d never see my mother and sisters again, but there had always been the hope ofoneday. One day it would end, one day the wall would come down, and one day I could go home to them, but none of that hope remained.
I recalled the last time I’d seen them. It had never happened before, but Kobal ordered the families of those who would be traveling to the gateway with him and River to come to the wall. None of us had expected to discover our families waiting for us when we went to the school, but there they were in the cafeteria.
My mom refused to let go of me as she sobbed into my shirt. My sisters all talked eagerly over one another as they peppered me with questions while gushing about the details of their lives. I couldn’t tell them what was really going on here, but it hadn’t mattered. All that mattered was being with them again.
I’d been nervous about the journey, but seeing them solidified why I was making the mission. There wasn’t anything I wouldn’t do to keep them safe, and I’d failed. We succeeded in closing the gateway, but not before Lucifer escaped and killed them and so many others.
Now, they were gone, and I remained. And I would do everything I could to see this through to the end. They’d deserved better, and so did so many others. I didn’t mind continuing the fight; it was all I had left besides my friends, but sometimes, even with all of those friends, it was so lonely.
I bent my head and trudged up the steps of the house. I didn’t know what happened to the other soldiers we’d lived with; they’d either moved on to another section of wall or died, but only Erin and Vargas resided here now.
There was enough daylight left that I didn’t bother with the lights as I climbed the stairs and strode down the hall to my room. I flicked on the switch to discover my room as I’d left it, but it didn’t smell stale from being closed; instead, the fresh scent of laundry from the line permeated the air.
I smiled when I spotted the framed picture on my nightstand. It hadn’t been there before, but as I approached it, I saw it was a polaroid of me, River, Erin, and Vargas taken the last time I returned to the wall. I didn’t know where River found the ancient camera or the film, but she’d given it to Kobal, told him to hit the button, and joined us for the photo.
Though Vargas was lying in bed due to his broken leg and we had to make room for River’s belly, we were all smiling as we huddled together. I thought Kobal was going to crush the camera as he fumbled with it, but he snapped the picture without destroying it.
I lifted the photo and smiled at the group of us. It had only been a few months ago, yet I felt so much older, or maybe just more exhausted. Setting the picture down, I removed my weapons and set them on the bed before turning away to gather clothes from my dresser.
I showered before dressing in a pair of brown pants and a black sweater. I sat on the bed, shoved my feet into my boots, and tied them before rising to put my gun holster back on. Lifting my rifle, I slid it onto my back, then placed my two handguns in the holsters.
The sun had set while I was in the shower, so I turned the lights on as I went downstairs where I spotted the homey touches Erin and Vargas had added to the house. Flowers sat in a vase on the dining room table, and there was another polaroid of the two of them standing by the wall on the table near the door. I suspected Erin knitted the colorful blanket draped over the back of the couch.
I recalled the sadness in her eyes in the hall and had the sinking suspicion they wouldn’t be returning to the Wilds. They’d made a home here, and they had each other, so I didn’t blame them if they decided to remain here. They could have sent word to us, but we would have returned anyway to gather supplies.
I glanced around the house again and realized it was the home of a family. That awful loneliness tugged at my heart as I smiled while resting my hand on the blanket. There was so little happiness in this world, and two of my best friends had managed to carve a piece of it out for themselves.
I made my way out the front door and jogged down the steps. Pausing at the bottom, I inspected the sleepy town before turning my attention to the immense wall looming over it. The blinking red lights on the wall cast an eerie glow over its concrete surface, the soldiers patrolling it, and the town.
In the Wilds, the screams or call of some animal or demon often drifted over the land, but here, the only noise was the low hum of the electricity powering the wall and the distant flow of music coming from the hill where the demons resided. I turned my attention to the hill and the tents there.
I’d never gone to the hill as a human. I knew others who had, but I was content with the women in town. As a demon, I’d been there once on one of my trips back to the wall. I usually avoided it, not because it was mostly demons there, but because it was my punishment.
I ruined Sarah’s life when I kissed her; I hadn’t known I was a canagh demon at the time or that my kiss could ensnare another, but I’d ruined her life. If Sarah hadn’t died, she’d still be a mindless creature, helplessly following me around. Because of that, I deserved to suffer. I also worried it might accidentally happen again.
I shuddered at the possibility as the material of the tents rippled in the gentle breeze. The flames of the bonfire located in the middle of the tents rose higher into the air. Sparks danced like fireflies as they floated on the currents before going out. If the wind picked up, they would put out the fire, but for now, the demons would be gathered around it as they played music, danced, and screwed.
