I pulled the barrel out and stuffed the bedding into it, hoping I could burn the smell away from existence. After pouring some whisky over it, I grabbed the lighter from my pocket and set the corner on fire. Taking a step back, I lit a cigarette and took a drag, then swigged at the bottle as I watched the barrel start to glow orange.
“Ignoring my calls?”
I turned at the sound of Hayden’s voice. He must have let himself in. I hadn’t seen him since the day at my mum’s grave.
“I’m busy.”
“What are you burning?”
“What does it look like?”
He peered into the barrel. “Dickhead. You can’t burn her away. It doesn’t work like that.”
“I can, and I will,” I snapped, taking another drag on the cigarette.
“You look like shit.”
“And you look like you’re about to get on my last nerve.”
He snorted. “Stop acting like a prick then.”
I glared at him, bringing the bottle to my lips and downing some. “What do you want, Hayden?”
He stood there, hands in his pockets as always. “I came to check on you, but you seem to be all right, wallowing in self-pity.”
“Fuck. Off,” I warned him.
“She’s at mine, if you care.”
I narrowed my eyes at him. “Of course I fucking care, but she wants space, and I’m not about to deny her that.”
I swigged at the bottle again, trying to numb those feelings I felt for her. They were bursting in all directions like a firework display, and I was trying my hardest to contain them all. To try and stop myself from going over there and bringing her back where she belonged.
But I’d taken so much already.
I’d taken her heart and broken it. I’d destroyed her by loving her.
My love was toxic. It always had been.
That’s why everyone left.
“Sometimes we say one thing but mean another.”
“Leave it alone, Hayden. It’s not something you can fix with words.”
“No, because you brought this on yourself.”
I stepped closer to him, tilting my head as I fixed my eyes on his. “I won’t say it again. Fuck. Off,” I said through gritted teeth.
He snatched the bottle from my hand and threw it into the fire; the flames roared from the extra fuel he’d just given it. Heat burned through my stomach, shooting to my veins.
“Leave me the fuck alone,” I roared, my chest heaving.
My phone started ringing, and I pulled it from my pocket, seeing Valon’s name.
“Hello? … Yeah … I’ll be half an hour.”
I cut the call.
