I had feared as much long ago when I was told what must be done. It was why I had asked for more time since there was a good chance that Rian would kill me for this. Our relationship was not yet strong enough to weather such an unforgivable offense; and yet, I had to do it.
I didn’t answer him as all the ashes in the room began to shift, forming long ribbons that moved toward me like black snakes. I projected my voice until the sound of the ashes stirring was heard all throughout the coven.
It took an immense force of will, but soon there were countless rings of ashes circling around me with the blood of every phoenix-blooded witch in existence. And with a commanding cry, I set fire to them again, hotter this time to burn away more of the mortality until they were even more fully purified. The innumerable ribbons were slowly condensed into less than a handful of red powder.
“What is that?” hissed Rian who still stood over me staring at the ashes, which emanated a pulse of power.
“My ancestors were begotten by phoenixes who took mortal consorts,” I told him as I funnelled the ashes into the vial on my necklace. “This is all that remains of their divinity in our mortal bloodlines.”
Rian was silent as I slipped the shimmering vial of red ashes beneath my bodice again before slumping forward. My exhaustion was emotional and physical, but it was finally done. My retribution was complete.
My eyes were pulled back up to the sky as it darkened suddenly with storm clouds that unleashed an abrupt and violent downpour. I was soaked to the bone in an instant, but I tilted my head back in supplication to the heavy rain. The deluge quickly quenched my fires, washing away the filth of my vengeance, and it felt like a blessing.
I had unleashed my pain and rage, and now all I could do was mourn the broken pieces of me that had been left in the wake of my own destruction. The neglected child. The defiled woman. Those wounds that had been left to fester and rot inside me for so long that they had infected every part of me.
But I could let it go now. Iwantedto let it go.
I gritted my teeth, and my fingers bit into the edges of the runes carved into stone beneath me as I tried to find a way to set free this beast. To turn it out of me and finally know some measure of peace from its vicious savagery. Destroying the coven was supposed to make it easier to let it go, but the stubborn thing would not be uprooted. The unbearable anguish persisted.
A primal scream erupted from me so loudly it felt like it hollowed me out inside. I sagged against the cold floor, uncertain if I could endure the torment any longer.
Rian knelt down next to me, but his presence was like vinegar in a fresh wound.
“Don’t touch me. I cannot bear it,” I ground out.
He hesitated a moment before he apparently decided to disregard my wish and began pulling me into his arms.
“No,” I sobbed, trying to push away, but he moved me as if my weight and pleas meant less than nothing to him. “Let me go!” I shouted, becoming furious with him.
“No,” he snapped at me, and my struggle immediately became violent. My nails gouged at his skin and my fist collided with his jaw and then pounded against his chest. My pleading turned into a wail as the searing anguish of a rejected mate bond split me like a lightning strike.
He was supposed to be my haven. He was supposed to be my redemption. Now all his gentle voice and touch did was taunt me with all that would never be fully mine.
I grappled with him until the exhaustion overwhelmed me again, and then I had no choice but to let him hold me while I was overcome.
“You have destroyed me,” I sobbed.
“Good,” he growled, his voice gravelly even as he held me with the utmost tenderness. “We are even.”
I could no longer fight the razor-sharp yearning for the comfort he offered and sank against him with my hands clenched in his soaked shirt. He tucked my head under his chin and began to run his hands soothingly up my back. After many long moments, my cries finally began to quiet until we sat in silence under the rain.
“I had to make myself into little more than a corpse to survive them,” I found myself trying to explain to him. “Anything precious that I wanted to keep safe had to be buried deep where they could never find it. Parts of me that I only took out when Iwas alone again in the dark. When I needed the strength to keep enduring.”
His arms tightened, rage humming to life again under his skin, but he did not interrupt me.
“They whittled away at me until all that was left were those precious pieces I was keeping safe for when I could be free. For when my life finally began. For… foryou.”
I felt him stiffen, but he stayed silent and didn’t push me away, which I assumed might mean that he wanted me to continue explaining myself.
“That is why I could not tell you the truth. I was afraid that if you cut yourself free of me, then everything good and untainted that was left of me would begone.”
I held my breath while he exhaled harshly as if I had punched him in the gut.
“Iknowyou deserve better, someonewholewho can love you selflessly enough to let you go if that is what you truly want. But you are not bonded to such a person. You aremineinstead. And I will never be that selfless with you. You can hate me all you want, but I will not apologize for it,” I breathed, rushing to get the words out before he could speak. “I wish I had something pretty and warm and soft to give you instead, but all I have to offer is a bloody mess. But it isyours, Rian. Every bruised and poisoned piece that is left of me is allyours.”
Rian was silent for a long time as the patter of the rain on the stone around us grew fainter until the clouds were finally empty. Then he nudged his nose under my jaw to turn my head so his lips could brush my ear.
“I have always found broken things to be beautiful.”
