I was not sure whether to laugh or cry at his response, and so something in between came out.
He made a rough sound, and then his hands and mouth were on me, tasting of ash as he devoured and conquered me without mercy. His kiss was rough as if he meant to punish me for making him want more of me.
But he felt likehome. He felt like autumn nights curled up under a familiar wool blanket. He felt like strong arms holding me as I laboured to bring forth life. He felt like the sturdy walls of a little cabin that had been built with his own hands far away from the woes of the world.
“Damn you,” he growled as his mouth moved greedily down my sensitive throat. “Damn you!”
His forehead rested against my sternum, and I felt him shudder as he drew in a harsh breath.
“I do not find you detestable, Nuala, buthowam I to ever trust you when you can deceive me so effortlessly?” he demanded more softly. “And that spell you just used? Watching you do that went against everything I claim to stand for! I canstillsense that magic festering around us in the ley lines. I shouldkillyou for such a violation!”
His voice had gone sharp with disgust, but I trusted the tenderness in his hands as he hugged me even tighter.
“I will never do it again. It had to be done that way. Never again!” I swore.
“Never again,” he repeated against my chest. Then he shook his head as if he could not believe he was going to let my transgression against the Tithriall stand.
“I am sorry. For all of it,” I whispered.
Rian was quiet for so long that I was tempted to tug his head up off my chest so I could look into his eyes.
“I have never given anyone what you want from me, and honestly, I am not confident I can,” he admitted.
“But… would you be willing to at leasttry?” I asked, and I did not dare to breathe as I waited for his answer.
“And what happens if I fail?” he demanded, lifting his head to pin me with breathtaking eyes. “I cannot have you killing everyone who would dare to touch me.”
“I don’thaveto kill anyone.”
“But youwillif they touch me,” he scoffed irritably. “Tell me, do your barbaric rules include males too?”
I glared at him, knowing that he was baiting me now, and decided to go about the conversation another way.
“Do you want menorwomen touching me?” I asked, and his face hardened in a way that was telling even if he did not answer me aloud. “I will give back whatever you give me, Rian. If you are unkind, then I will show you the meaning of cruelty. If you are violent with me, then I will hurt people you love. And if you seek any other lovers, womenormen, then I will show you just how little regard I have learned to show my own body.”
Rian looked at once incredulous and impressed by me before he gave a bitter laugh and tilted his head up toward the sky. My eyes traced the strong column of his throat with a sudden impulse to kiss or bite it, but I refrained.
He lowered his face again, and I held still as he lightly traced that delicious mouth along my jaw to my lips.
“You vicious little thing,” he breathed with an amused shake of his head. “That is rather brazen confidence from someone who claims to be so very broken.”
“I may be broken, but my edges are sharp, and I will not hesitate to cut you with them.”
Chapter thirty-three
SO MANY DRYADS
Ornella
“Easy. You are alright,” whispered a deep, soothing voice, bringing me gradually to awareness.
I was curled into a tight ball on my mattress with tears covering my cheeks, a whimper in my throat, and Sage’s shirt clenched in my fist under my head. I was mortified once I fully regained my senses and realized I must have awakened Ciaran. He had a knee braced on my bed so he could rub my shoulder with firm but careful strokes that were clearly meant to wake me gently. The lantern on the table between our cots had been turned on so the room was filled with a warm but dim light.
He must have felt me tense because he took his hand away and stepped back as I raised my head to glare at him through my tears. I saw his gaze fall to the shirt I had clenched under my cheek and understanding flooded his expression before I shoved it back under my pillow.
“I miss him too,” he assured quietly while I scrubbed furiously at my face with the heels of my hands, but some of the tears had already dried.
After a moment, I gave up trying to hide the evidence of my heartbreak and flopped back down onto the bed. My mind was instinctively drawn toward my bond with Pyrope to seek the comfort I had come to rely on recently, but it was muted while we were so far apart.
