Sage smirked, but his expression quickly grew serious again, still watching me closely while I lathered my hair. “Summer, I willmakehim stop if you—”
“It is alright,” I sighed, already knowing Ciaran had a good point about how I learned. And somehow, I trusted the prick would not be like my father and put me in real danger or severe discomfort to force me to learn faster.
Sage eyed me for a moment, ensuring I really meant it, before he nodded. He was quiet for a few moments so we could both focus on bathing, but I could tell that he was not yet done with the serious discussions.
“I am sorry about Orlaith. I thought she was… I will be keeping my distance for my own sake, but I need you to know that whatever you need will be respected.”
I glanced up and smiled in appreciation when I met his sincere gaze.
“I never told you that she admitted to leaving me at the river with Ciaran so he would kill me,” I realized aloud.
His gentle expression slackened briefly with his shock before it hardened. “What?” he ground out.
“The only reason she decided to get you was because she realized you would never forgive her. It seemed unfair to forgive Ciaran and hold a grudge against her so I didn’t see a reason to tell you,” I explained.
“Except for the fact that Ciarandidn’t knowhow I felt about you. And shedid,” Sage disagreed furiously.
“I am actually proud of myself! She tried to hurt me by telling me that I am just like Aodhan, and you hated him. Apparently it makes her and Shay wonder how you would really feel if our bond did not blind you,” I advised him with a smirk. But he was not laughing even a little.
“She saidwhat?” he growled, all traces of gentleness evaporating from his gorgeous face again. “Summer—”
“I know it’s not true! I have become confident enough in our relationship to trust your feelings. Even if you did dislike Aodhan,” I assured him, and Sage sighed.
“I have come to realize that I never made the effort to know your brother the way I was forced to do with you,” Sage admitted as he stroked my cheek in pure adoration. “And I regret that now. I think if I had, then I might have felt rather differently about him.”
He was quiet for a moment with his eyes on my face, and I realized I could actually feel his trepidation at the thought of missing out on knowing me too.
“I just want to know why Orlaith is so fixated on you. Obviously you are an exceptional male, so I can’t blame her for having regrets, but she is with someone new now! And why does Shay feed into it so much?” I scowled.
Sage was quiet as his eyes lowered to the surface of the water between us, and it occurred to me that there may be a reason. One that he was very much aware of.
“Sage?” I prompted him gently, and he nodded as if to assure me that he knew he needed to tell me the truth.
“You once told me that I should tell you about Orlaith when I was ready,” he reminded me.
I nodded as I recalled the flight to check on the village at Aes Suri after the Fuath attacked. He’d told me things between them were complicated, and he hadn’t wanted to share any more than that because he was too ashamed.
But nothing could have prepared me to hear…
“Orlaith was pregnant when I ended things with her. So I don’t think it is onlymethat she is grieving for.”
My body went suddenly numb, and there was a strange buzzing in my ears. I barely regained the composure to continue listening to what he said next.
“She asked me to make things between us… official. She had broached the topic before, but I was always firm about my commitment to the Wild Hunt. I’d already told her that if she wanted that, then we were not compatible, and she insisted at the time that she was happy with how things were. But this time she was… persistent. I took it as a sign that her needs were beyond my capacity to fulfill for her and broke things off. But I didn’t know at the time that she was actually asking because of…”
“Because of the baby,” I finished, my heart thudding hard when he nodded. “What… Where is…” I trailed off in uncertainty of how to ask him all my questions.
“The pregnancy was lost,” Sage explained, and I felt a terribly ugly and confusing mixture of sympathy, relief, and guilt, which I had no desire to examine too closely.
“I am sorry, Sage,” I said, but he shook his head.
“I never—” he broke off in frustration and turned his face away. “I only learned of it recently, and I never…”
“Wanted children,” I finished for him, thinking of our conversation at the river before he was taken, and he gave a solemn nod without meeting my eyes.
I could not even imagine the confusion he must have felt about the situation. Sympathy for Orlaith and her loss. Possibly even relief for himself for not being put in the position of choosing a child over his lifelong dream of riding with the Wild Hunt. And lots and lots of shame.
“That does not mean this must not affect you.”
