“You sound like my mother,” he sighed.
So Asha knew. I had no doubt that Shay must as well. Thathad to be why she had been so against me.
“I am not sure what you think you have done wrong. Why are you ashamed of this? Because you did not want the child? I sterilized myself just to make sure I was not carrying one when I fled my people, so I am hardly in the position to judge you for this,” I assured him.
Sage’s gaze sharpened on me, and I knew we would be addressing my sterilization at another time. But then he swallowed hard and tipped his face toward the stalactites on the cavern ceiling above us.
“I worried that you would see me differently.”
“Butwhy?” I pressed him.
“Because I left her when she was most vulnerable.”
“But… you had no idea she was pregnant! Do you… have regrets?” I asked him in confusion.
“No. I stand by that decision to end our relationship. We wanted different things from one another. But you had just started to trust me, and I was worried you may think of me poorly for… leaving my child,” he admitted.
“I could never think that about you, Sage.Youmight think poorly of you because you have a twisted sense of duty about these things. But I will never think less of you for daring to choose yourself,” I swore, and Sage gave me a smile that did not reach his eyes. “You really think she is hung up on you because of a miscarriage?” I verified.
“She lost another pregnancy just recently with Éanna, and then had to watch my sister carry and birth another healthy baby. I think she is… distraught,” he explained, glancing away in shame again.
I was silent as I tried to process this unexpected twist, as well as the strangest feeling that I was suddenly totally out of my element. It took me a moment to realize it was because this was something of a role reversal between us. Sage was usually the one comforting and encouraging me through my emotions. Now as he faltered and expressed shame and uncertainty to me,I realized that I might have somehow started to think of him as infallible. Invincible. Perhaps that was even how he wanted me to think of him if his fears of my perception of him were to be believed.
But he was not infallible. He was not invincible.
Which meant I was a fool for letting him reassure me that he was alright after what he endured. I would have torn the world apart to get him back and then given him every ounce of magic in my veins to heal him. But that would not be enough. How could it be when an integral part of him was carved away? I would need to be much more than an avenging angel for Sage if I wanted to be truly good to him in this life.
I set my bar of crushed soap on the stone ledge next to the one he used and walked toward him. His expression of uncertainty twisted my heart as I put my hands on his cheeks and pulled him down to me. I heard him release a breath of relief before I kissed him with a tenderness that made his shoulders roll down. We were naked, so there was no ignoring how good it felt to be pulled up against all that muscle. Especially with the scent of my mark on his skin and the way his cock instantly hardened. And yet, his hug felt even more emotionally intimate somehow.
Our mouths parted achingly slowly, but I continued to hold him close with my hand on the back of his head.
“I love you, Sage. This changes nothing. At least not in the way you probably thought it would.”
“Not in the way I thought?” he repeated and forced his head back to look at me in alarm again.
“I just meant that you are my safe place, and I want to try and be that for you too,” I tried to reassure him.
“But youaremy safe place,” he asserted as he leaned down to press his forehead against mine. “You do realize that there wasno one elsewho could have come for me as you did? No one else could have found a way to bring the stars to their knees. And I never doubted you would.”
No one had ever praised me with so much adoration before,and it brought a blush to my face.
“I meant… I want you to give me all your burdens in the way that you have taken on mine,” I insisted.
Sage hesitated, and I began to fear that he doubted my emotional capacity to do this for him as much as I did.
“I held back because I know you have rarely ever felt safe in love. I wanted to be reliable and strong for you,” Sage explained himself, and I gaped at him in shock.
“Youarereliable and strong, Sage! But that does not mean that you must be infallible or invincible.”
He tried to look away from me, but I leaned sideways to maintain his gaze.
“Until now, I had no idea that you ever had these kinds of feelings, and it makes me a poor mate!” I said firmly. Sage instantly tried to object, but I quickly continued to speak over him. “You have shouldered every one of my many,manyinsecurities, and I am beyond thankful for it! You have allowed me to become a version of myself of which I can be immensely proud. But there must be a way for you to do so without sacrificing your needs. And there must be a way for me to be the strong one when you need me to be. I refuse to be the only one between us who is allowed to need reassurance!”
Sage stared at me, his eyes uncertain as he considered my statement. I did my best to be patient until he finally seemed prepared to share his concerns.
“But how will you ever trust that I can keep you and your heart safe if I falter?” he asked quietly. And his open vulnerability felt like it cracked my heart right in two.
“You look at me, Sage DorTìodhlac,” I ordered sternly, and his eyes widened briefly at my uncompromising tone. “There is no doubt in my mind that my heart has never been safer than when it is with you. Besides, you have taught me just how much strength it takes to acknowledge our weaknesses. So how could I think less of you?”
