“Bullshit.”What they’d had together was great and Aria knew it.Even if she couldn’t or wouldn’t admit it.
She shrugged.“You can’t always get what you want.And I’m not convinced you really want me.I don’tknowthat you want me.I think you want the baby and now you’ve decided it would be…” a flip of her head “…handy to have me too.”
Ryan stared at her with his mouth open.“You think I want you because you’rehandy?How can you think that?Is that really what you think of me?How can you think that about yourself, for God’s sake?”
“What am I supposed to think, Ryan?You sure as hell didn’t want me before you found out about Sophie.”
“I’ve wanted you every day since I left,” he said flatly.“Every damn day.I tried to forget you and I couldn’t.”
“Then why the hell did you leave me?Why didn’t you try to reach me if you wanted me so much?It’s not like I changed my phone number.”
He wanted to rip his hair out.“Because I was afraid.”
“Afraid of what?”
“Damn it, Aria.I was afraid I was falling in love with you.”
*
Aria stared athim.“That makes absolutely no sense.You left because you were falling in love with me?That’s just… stupid.”
He huffed out a laugh.“Yes, it is.But that’s the truth.”
“I’m going to need more than that.”
He shoved a hand through his hair and paced a few steps.“I never expected to fall in love.Which is one reason I moved around so much.And I sure as hell never expected to have a child.”He stared off into space and smiled.“But Sophie.She’s amazing.And I sure don’t regret her.”
“But you regret falling in love with me.”
“No.”He shook his head decisively.“Absolutely not.I realized before you ever moved here and before I knew anything about Sophie that I was still in love with you and it wasn’t going away.I hadn’t figured out what to do about it.For all I knew you’d moved on and were happy.”
“Why didn’t you want to fall in love?”
It took him a while to answer.“I don’t deserve to.”
“Why?”
“Something happened in Afghanistan.”
The war.What could have happened there to make Ryan think he didn’t deserve love?Didn’t deserve happiness?He’d been a battlefield surgeon.God knows what he’d seen, what he’d had to do.But he’d never talked about it.He’d never shared that with her.Because it was too hard to talk about?
Just as she’d never shared her pregnancy with him.But that had been a joyful thing.If she’d given him a chance would he have been happy about it?She knew by now he probably would have.But she hadn’t allowed him that choice.
Because, like Ryan, she’d been afraid.
“What happened?”She waited and when he didn’t answer she said, “It must have been something really bad if you still can’t talk about it.”
“It was.There’s someone else I need to talk to before I can talk to you about it.”
“But then you’ll talk to me?”
Before he could answer, Sophie started crying again.
“I’ll go get her,” Ryan said.
She wondered if he actually would talk to her.She wasn’t at all sure he would.But it was something he’d have to decide to share and she wouldn’t nag him about it.She followed him to Sophie’s room.“Are you still planning to cook dinner?”
“Yes.If that’s okay.”
