‘You’re having doubts.’ It was an observation rather than a question.
‘Of course I am.’ She briefly put her face in her hands but she had at least stopped frowning. ‘Is anyone ever ready for this?’
‘I know couples who are hopelessly in love and still not ready.’
‘See, that doesn’t help me, does it?’ When he grinned, she asked, ‘What if I’m a terrible mother? What if the business is what I should be focusing on and I can’t share my attentions?’
‘Something tells me you’ll take it in your stride and multitask.’
‘You do know we’re talking about a baby and not a loaf of bread to be made alongside a batch of cupcakes, don’t you?’ She began to smile back at him, finally. ‘You’ve really cheered me up, you know. Thank you.’
‘Hey, happy to help.’ He took his time with his next question, dug his toes into the sand to pluck up the courage. ‘Have you chosen the lucky father-to-be yet?’
‘Not yet. But I’ve talked to my sister and Tilly and their support brings me one step closer. I told Etna too.’
‘You did? Did she think you were crazy?’ He had a vested interest in his auntie’s reaction given what he’d been involved in.
‘Well, apart from dropping an almighty hint that I might like to look around me at certain men in the Cove, she thought it was a great idea.’
‘She’s progressive, I’ll give her that.’ And he couldn’t be happier with Etna’s response. ‘So, who are these men she’s been hinting at?’ Her look gave him an answer. ‘Ah, I see. I’m surprised she hasn’t meddled some more.’
‘Perhaps she knows I’ve got enough going on in my head at the moment. She might never have been a mum but she treats you like a son, you know.’
‘She does and I love every second. When I was younger, I could always rely on her to be on my side. She was a fun auntie but never let me take advantage – I think I needed that. And after Mum died, she was there for me again. We didn’t always talk about it at home but she let me vent, she let me talk, when I think Dad needed to process his grief in his own way. Not that he wasn’t there for me too, but grief is one hell of a journey.’
They let his words settle and when the time was right, he nudged her gently and dipped his head towards hers. ‘I saw you at the pub with your friend when she had her baby in a carrier and I could tell you were smitten.’
‘Valerie is a good mum.’
‘And you will be too. You will,’ he repeated when he registered doubt.
She began to laugh. ‘I saw Tracy the other day with her head in her hands at the reception desk at the Heritage Inn – she looked done in. When I asked her what was wrong, she told me she thought she was finished with kid dramas but she’d have her toddlers back any day over girls who were grown-up enough that they now came with attitude.’
‘The fun of parenting.’
‘What about you? Do you want that someday?’
‘Yes,’ he said definitively. ‘One day I really do.’
‘You don’t think it’s weird I’m on the verge of choosing the father of my baby from a database and basing my decision on his vital statistics?’
His laughter carried out to sea but he assured her that wasn’t because of her. ‘It’s not weird at all. And what’s funny isn’t what you intend to do, but my part in something so incredibly close to what you’re talking about.’ At her confusion, he knew it was time to open up, time to admit what he’d been up to.
‘I haven’t told anyone about this,’ he said, ‘not my dad, not Etna, nobody.’ He briefly looked at her and then back out at the waves, churning and rolling towards the shore. ‘The reason I wasn’t drinking last night is because I had an appointment today.’
‘Sorry, I’ve been so wrapped up in myself I didn’t ask you anything more. There’s nothing wrong, is there?’
‘No, there’s nothing wrong.’ He remembered how it had gone when he told his last girlfriend what he was doing, her reaction that it was weird, something to be ashamed of, and even though he knew Jade wouldn’t react that way it was still hard to tell someone new. ‘I went to a clinic but not because I have a health condition. I mean, I’ve had screening tests and blood tests…’ He was rambling. He needed to get to the point. ‘I was at the clinic to donate.’ He put his head in his hand. ‘Honestly, I don’t know why I can’t say it. When I’m there we all talk openly, candidly, there’s no embarrassment. I’ve written blog posts on the subject, answered questions; this is the first time I’ve been so tongue-tied.’
‘So, out with it,’ she urged. ‘What were you donating? A kidney, some plasma, your time?’
‘You’re enjoying this.’
‘Kind of,’ she admitted with a grin.
‘I need to start at the beginning, a bit like you did with the story of you and Dario.’ She waited patiently as he scooped grains of sand into his palm and let them filter through his fingers.
He told her all about Orla, he told her how she’d fallen pregnant on purpose, how she’d been so desperate for a baby she was with him for the wrong reasons. He explained how his brother had contracted mumps when he was in the Army and how it left him infertile. ‘He and his wife, Tammy, were devastated. They’d been trying for a family for a while with no success, went for routine tests to check everything was in working order and found out it wasn’t. Zach took it worse than Tammy. He saw it as failing her, he felt guilty for a long while after that and there were times when Dad and I weren’t sure they’d make it.’
