“Like I said, we did not learn healthy coping,” I muttered, and after a second of dead silence, the three of us burst into laughter.
“Fuck, I wish Mom was here right now so I could make her face all of this,” Jonah said.
Caleb scoffed. “She wouldn’t hear it. She wouldn’t even try to take any accountability for anything. I’m glad she’s gone.”
So was I, but I didn’t really feel like voicing that. She’d done enough harm. I was finished letting her live rent-free between us.
“So…are you happy?” Jonah asked. “I mean, can you be happy now that you know?”
“Yeah. I felt so fucking guilty after Anya officially moved out and I was alone,” Caleb admitted. “And I did miss her. I still do. She was my best friend, and…I don’t know. It’s hard knowing I lost that. But I don’t have any real regret. My life feels like it’s finally the way it was meant to be.”
I reached over, and after a second, I pulled Caleb into a hug. This time, he didn’t fight me. He leaned in and rested his head against my shoulder. “I’m happyfor you. And I’m glad you’re mostly done being a dickhead to us.”
Caleb laughed. “I mean, I’m still myself. But yeah. And for the record, I really am sorry I tried to fuck Vanya. And I’m sorry I said that shitty stuff to him. I was in a bad way, and you didn’t deserve that.”
“You didn’t know,” I said, my voice a little tight.
Caleb shook his head against me. “No. Even if it was true, I had no right to say that shit. I was trying to be nasty, and if I could take it back, I would. You had every right to be yourself, and no one should have used that against you.”
My heart ached, but in the best way. “Thanks.”
“I’m happy for you,” Caleb said. “I think you two brought me some really badass brothers.”
I burst into laughter. “You might regret that eventually. Hockey players are…a lot.”
“You do remember I know that, right?” Caleb said. “You two fucks aren’t any different from them.”
He was right, and I grinned. “We should probably get back inside. I know I have to deal with more bullshit questions about the retirement.”
I hopped off the bench, then waited for Caleb and Jonah to follow. Just as we reached the path, Caleb tapped my arm.
“I think Journey’s waiting for you out here,” he murmured quietly. “On the porch. He went out there after you and Jonah walked off.”
My stomach sank. I knew what it was going to be about. It wasn’t hockey. It wasn’t retirement. It probably wasn’t even Hunter. It was the other big thinghe’d probably suspected but never felt brave enough to ask me about.
“Okay. Thanks.”
Caleb squeezed my shoulder, then dropped his hand and took Jonah to guide him as I came to a stop. I could hear Journey’s feet shuffling and the familiar pattern of his breath. He was nervous, and I wished to god he would just let it go.
But I also knew better than that.
“You described a place like this once,” Journey said as we walked the path around the yard. “You said you wanted to live outside of the city where you could walk around and not feel like you had to protect yourself all the time.”
It reallywasfreeing to go without my cane and not feel like I could trip and fall on my face at any second. And it was a relief not to have to reach over and take Journey’s arm. We were on even footing out here, in my space.
“Vanya went out of his way to make sure it was done right,” I said.
Journey cleared his throat. “Did—ah. Did he tell you what I said about you that night?”
“Yes.”
His footsteps stalled, so I turned to face him. The silence between us was heavy. “I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry, Micah. I shouldn’t have said that shit about you.”
My chest was burning. There were words I’d wanted to say for a while now and hadn’t felt brave enough. But he was the one who insisted we talk. “Are you sorry because you had shamed me, or are you sorry because you found out that me being slutty wasn’t true?”
“I—” He swallowed so thickly I could hear it catch in his throat. “I think up until this moment, I was sorry because it wasn’t true. But I shouldn’t have said it at all.”
I curled my hands into fists, then relaxed them. Over and over, I did it until I felt myself calming down. “You believed what everyone said about me, even when you knew me. Even when you saw that I couldn’t—” My voice cracked, and I stopped to collect myself. “You knew intimacy was a problem. You were so fucking careful with me. So kind. But the moment I ended things, you were so quick to believe I was someone I wasn’t.”
