He burst into laughter as he threw his arm around me and tucked me in close. “It’s not Easter, darling.”
“I know. It should be. All those chocolate eggs.” I didn’t even really eat chocolate, but right now, I wanted to drown my feelings in a massive bucket full of sugar.
It was better than booze, right?
“I can do a small box of Timbits, which you can eat on the way home,” he said softly.
“Boden—”
“He’s going to stay with Jonah, and I’ll meet up with him later.” He turned and guided me toward his car. “I suppose I can’t tempt you into a sleepover with a blanket fort, can I?”
I grinned in spite of myself as I climbed into the seat, folded my cane, and tucked it between my feet. I loved Hugo’s car. It was plush and soft—not as big as what Alexio drove, but that was probably a good thing.
The last thing I needed right now was an inappropriate boner from the sound of leather seats squeaking. There wasn’t a chance in hell I’d be able to explain that away with anything reasonable beyond the truth. And as much as I loved Hugo, I wasn’t ready to tell him about Vanya.
“There’s a drive-thru about ten minutes from here,” he said.
“You really don’t need to buy me donuts,” I told him as he pulled out onto the main road.
“If it’ll make you smile again, I will buy you anything.”
“Wanna divorce Boden and marry me? I’m not sexually attracted to you, but this could be like a lavender marriage.”
“I don’t think that’s how those work,” he said, a smile in his voice.
“Then we’ll invent a new word.”
Hugo sighed. “Unfortunately, I’m beyond devoted to Boden, and I don’t actually think you want that. You know if you need some time or attention or affection, our door is open.”
I knew that. I knew that about all my friends. Hell, I knew it about Jonah, even when he was pissed at me. It wasn’t really about that.
It was about the fact that I was tired of keepingsecrets. I was tired of my shit reputation being my armor against the public. I was tired of everyone knowing the Micah they thought existed instead of the man I was.
And I was tired of being afraid every time I set foot out of the house. I had never been one of those motivational speakers who said shit like “the only real blindness is the blindness of the heart” or some dipshit thing that belonged on a home decor sticker.
Iwasblind. I did navigate the world differently. I’d never known anything else.
But Hunter made me afraid to do even the simplest things on my own, and that was new. And it was slowly driving me insane.
“I see it on your face,” Hugo said. “There is something going on. Something big. Maybe bad.”
I blew out a puff of air and shrugged. “Yeah. I’m just not up for talking about it. Any chance you’ll let it go?”
“Every chance. You never have to tell me anything. But if you need help?—”
“I don’t, so fucking drop it.” I didn’t mean to snap at him, but I was tired of everyone offering me aid when they didn’t know what was going on. Hunter was…he was complicated. Dangerous. I didn’t really want to say evil, but he felt kind of evil.
I had no idea what he was really capable of, and that was the thing getting to me the most.
“Alright,” Hugo said quietly, making me feel even worse. Silence fell between us, and I lost myself in the feeling of the gentle motion as he drove.
We weren’t on the road long when he slowed and took a sharp right, and I sat up as the car came to a rolling stop. “Sorry,” I murmured.
Hugo let out a huge sigh as he pulled into a parking spot, and the car idled when he put it in park. “Micah, I can tell you’re going through something. You can use me as a verbal punching bag if you want?—”
“I don’t. God, I don’t…I don’t know what the fuck is wrong with me. Everything hurts, and I feel like I’m losing my mind. Every time I tell myself to stop, it gets worse.” I started to shake, and my throat went tight with tears.
“I’m going to take your hand, okay?”
