Admitting out loud what she was doing, how she needed a sting of pain to ground her, had been difficult, but it had needed to be said. Donelle had been understanding, and the first thing she’d suggested had been for Steff to cut her nails, so they were short. She also said she knew that would be tough for Steff, and to do it at her own pace.
Steff knew herself though, and if she hadn’t cut them the moment she arrived home, she never would. It had been one of the hardest things to do, because of what they represented. But putting it off wouldn’t help her. Her fingers may look ugly with their short and stubby nails, but it was as though she’d shed a layer now the sharp points were gone.
It would be a fight when they got longer not to shape them the way she had in the past, but it was a battle she was determined to win. She was reclaiming her life, starting today.
She tossed the covers back and grabbed her robe, shrugging it on. She wandered into the kitchen and stopped. Dalton was bare chested and leaned against the counter, his attention on his phone.
Steff took a moment to drink him in. His shoulders were broad, and she doubted she could fit one hand around his bicep. He looked intimidating, which should’ve scared her considering the unleashed power he carried. Instead, she had to control herself so she didn’t walk over to where he stood and rest her head against chest, soaking up his strength.
“Steff? Shit. Sorry. I’ll be right back.”
He'd rushed past her before she could ask him what was wrong. She was pouring a glass of juice when he returned, wearing a black T-shirt. She mourned the loss of the expanse of lightly tanned skin, but understood why he did it. He hadn’t wanted her to feel afraid.
“You doing okay?” Dalton asked.
She could lie and say she was fine, but she’d made that promise to herself and to him, that she wouldn’t lie. “I’m nervous. Scared. Worried. Anything that’s the opposite of calm and content. That’s me.”
He chuckled. “Okay, you’re in rough waters. I’ve been there a few times. The best way to deal with that is to go with the flow. Fighting it can tire you out. Eventually it will calm, and you can forge through it.” He reached out, gave her hand a quick squeeze before he picked up a glass of water that was on the counter. “It won’t be rough for long.”
Somehow, she believed him. Or more to the point, she believed that she could weather it because he was beside her.
“I know. Thank you again for staying last night. I know the couch couldn’t have been comfortable as it’s too short for you.” She had offered him her guest room, but he said he’d sleep onthe couch. She hadn’t asked why, she’d given him blankets and then headed to her own room.
“It wasn’t bad. I put the cushions on the ground. I’ve also slept in worse places.”
“What’s the worse place you’ve slept in? That is, if you can tell me. It’s okay if you can’t.” Steff liked that they were having a mundane morning conversation.
“No, I can tell you. It was a cave in the mountains of Iraq. It was freaking freezing. My team and I had to huddle together to keep warm. It was too dangerous to start a fire. We couldn’t give away our position to the rebels we were observing. It was almost as bad as Hell Week when we were in the ocean for over twenty-four hours. At least in Iraq, we weren’t in wet clothes and could use each other’s body heat to combat the cold a bit, which we couldn’t do in the ocean.”
Steff shuddered at the thought of being that cold. There was a reason she lived in California where the weather rarely got to freezing point. “None of those things sound enticing.”
Dalton laughed and finished off his water. “They weren’t the best, but it was all part of the job.”
“Do you miss it? How long were you in the Navy?” It seemed that he’d endured a lot to reach the pinnacle, and now he was out. Had it been his decision, or had he been forced to make it?
“The best part of being a SEAL–apart from serving my country and keeping it safe–was the friendships I made. Fox, Hound, and Deal are my brothers. We saw a lot and endured a lot together. We all decided to get out together. Fortunately, the opportunity for us to join Alliez Security came up not long after we got out, and we all jumped at the chance of still being able to work together.” Dalton rinsed his glass and grabbed the tea towel to dry it. “As for how long I was in the Navy for, I did ten years. I thought I’d be a lifer, but I don’t regret getting out when I did.”
“Is there anything you miss about being a SEAL?” It took a special type of person to withstand the rigors of the process to become a SEAL, walking away from all of that had to take a depth of strength as well.
“No, not really. Working with the FBI and doing those missions fulfils the part of me that wants to serve and keep people safe. We don’t have to fly off at a moment’s notice, unlike with being a SEAL. And I’m not away for an indeterminate amount of time. We always know how long we’ll be gone now.”
Steff didn’t know much about Dalton’s personal life. Whether he’d been married before, and if it had broken down because of the stress of his job. Or if he’d had any serious relationships.
Could she ask him?
Were they at that place in their own relationship, if what they had could be called, a relationship? They’d had dinner together twice. She didn’t count the party at Teresa’s place, because it had been a group event, not the two of them.
“What’s on your mind, Steff? You can ask me anything. If I can’t answer it, I’ll let you know.”
While she’d been lost in her thoughts, Dalton had closed the small gap between them and was now in front of her.
“I don’t know if what I’m about to ask is too intrusive, and if not it’s fine, but.” She took a deep breath. Asking about someone’s past wasn’t that big of mountain to climb, it was what most people did when they were getting to know someone. “Have you been married before? I haven’t, just to be open with you.”
Dalton chuckled softly. “It’s fine to ask, and no I haven’t been married. I’ve had brief relationships, but nothing serious. I knew my job wasn’t always conducive to lasting and meaningful relationships. It worked for others, for sure. I know some guys in San Diego who are still in the Navy and are happily married. Some of the women who hang around SEALs aren’t reallylooking for a lasting relationship, either. They’re looking for a good time, and plenty of my former buddies took them up on it.”
“Not you?” Why was she asking this? He’d already said he had short liaisons with women.
“In the beginning it’s kind of flattering to be the center of attention, but after six months, it got a bit tiring to be seen only for my job and not for who I am. I was also fully committed to my job, so I didn’t really have the time for anything serious.”
