“Are you sure Rowyn can’t come? She loves this kinda stuff. I know she would wanna.”
The eyes-wide, pleading look on Amelia’s face was adorably dramatized for maximum effect.
“Rowyn has plans, and I want family time with you two. Now move your butt or we’ll be late.”
“Sheisfamily,” Amelia grumbled, but she acquiesced and headed to the car as asked.
As Eliza headed to the door, she glanced up the stairs. Part of her wanted to go up to say goodbye to Rowyn properly, and make sure they were okay. The other part of her needed to prove to herself that these boundaries could work. Both sides of her brain warred with each other for a moment until one of the kids leaned on the horn, which made the decision for her.
Eliza braced herself and headed toward the car as if readying for battle, and not a family day out with her children. She buckled in and started the car, all the while ignoring the pang in her chest that wished Rowyn was in the passenger seat beside her.
Chapter Eighteen
“So, you’re annoyed that she wants you to actually enjoy your day off and not use you for free labour since you’re lovesick? Basically, it’s an issue that she’s making sure to not take advantage of you?”
Rowyn huffed at Avery’s raised brows and polished off the ice cream in front of her. She hadn’t intended to spill her guts when they met for lunch, but Avery had an innate way of knowing something was up without any words being said. It hadn’t been long before they dragged it out of Rowyn.
“When you say it like that, it sounds silly. But it was this sense of, like…being an outsider. We had gotten into such a good rhythm with the kids, and without. I sort of…I don’t know. Thought maybe we were heading in the right direction, and then those walls appeared again out of nowhere.”
Avery tilted her head and Rowyn sighed.
“Say it, whatever it is,” Rowyn said.
“Maybe what you call walls, she calls boundaries. If this incident is as you described, she was right. You had a day off, you had plans. If you want this to work, she needs to know you won’t drop everything for her the second she demands it.”
“She didn’t demand it, though. I offered,” Rowyn pointed out.
“Yes, I know, but to her that’s likely irrelevant when it’s in a work capacity. The kids don’t know you as her girlfriend, they know you as their nanny. So that’s the role you’d be in if you accompanied them, right? That gets messy if you’re suddenlyworking on your time off. Does she pay you extra? Do you have timesheets through the agency? Does it get logged? It’s not as straightforward as you tagging along because you feel like it. When you’re together without the kids, that’s clear. You’re off duty, and you’re choosing to spend your time with her. When the kids are there, though, that complicates things,” Avery said.
“I know, and I said it impulsively, so I get that I didn’t think all of that through. But her response was so immediate it felt like she didn’t want me around. Like maybe Amelia calling out how she treats me differently from the other nannies spooked her, and she’s going to pull away.”
“That’s possible, I’m not saying it’s not. And you said that happened right before, so she probably also needs time to process it. However, it sounds to me like she said no because shedoeswant you around. She’s trying to make sure that can continue by not muddying the waters. Honestly, though, there’s only one person who can tell you exactly what she’s thinking, so maybe ask her directly.”
Rowyn scoffed as the server cleared their plates and dropped off the bill.
“What’s so funny about that? Scared of a little direct communication?”
Rowyn shook her head as she waved away Avery’s hand and placed her own card down to pay.
“Nope, but that’s almost exactly what I told Amelia. That the only person who could tell you what they are thinking is the person themself, which led to her conversation with Eliza, which led to this whole conversation. Full circle.”
They left the caféand started heading in the direction of the river. Avery’s friend was hosting a craft workshop at the marina market in an hour, so they had time to kill on the way.
“We’re all guilty of not taking our own advice, but yours is solid. Talk to her. What’s the worst that can happen?”
“She says it’s too much, fires me, and I never see any of them again? Or worse, says she just wants me to be the kids’ nanny again, and then I have to see her every day and pretend like it’s not killing me?” Rowyn blurted.
“You’re really in deep, aren’t you?” Avery asked.
“I’m being dramatic. Mostly,” Rowyn grumbled.
“You care about her, and the kids. And it’s bothering you that you have to keep those feelings all separate outside when inside they are a tangled web of emotions. You want to be all in, no holds barred, and…then what? Are you ready to be an insta-family stepmom, ready to promise forever to her and her kids?”
Rowyn’s heart shouted yes, absolutely, but her head knew better than to say that. It was one thing to take a chance on a relationship with a woman, but another when it included the lives of two children who were already struggling to be understood and secure.
“It’s far too early for that, I know it is. I just want to feel like maybe that’s a possibility.”
“Then maybe you need to look for a new job. Or a new place to live. Because right now, you’re in a situation where you’ve sort of taken all thenext stepsalready. You live together, you’re basically helping to raise her kids in a professional capacity, they already adore you. There’s nowhere to go from here to make things more than they are without a giant leap of faith, unless something changes.”
