“Wondering where you were and what you were doing.”
“It wasn’t all that interesting,” I said, trying to lighten the moment. “There’s a good chance I was either making pies or unclogging a toilet.”
He chuckled. I didn’t know where this was headed, but my hands were shaking slightly with nerves. I had a feeling my life was about to take another unexpected turn. I had a choice. Protect my heart or be honest and see what happened.
“I wondered the same thing about you,” I said truthfully, not meeting his eyes. “More than was good for me probably.”
When I glanced up, Rory was looking at me intently. “Lolly.” His voice was low. It had been years since I’d heard that tone. The tenderness in it sent a tingle down my spine. His expression was raw, unguarded. In it I saw pain and uncertainty, regret, a touch of longing.
He shifted on the narrow ledge beside me. “I loved Emily. I think I was a good husband to her. I tried to make the best life I could withher after you broke up with me. I was hurting so much, and she was right there for me. We married fast, way too fast, and if I’m honest, I think there was always a question in my heart, even before she left me.”
“What question?” I swallowed hard, nervous to ask.
“What if?” he said quietly. “What if your mom hadn’t died? What if we’d moved to Baltimore together? What if I’d stayed here instead of leaving for med school?” He was watching me, searching my face. I didn’t know what he was hoping to see.
“I’ve learned that every ‘What if’ can have its own complications,” I said gently. “It was a long time ago. We’ve lived a lot of life since then.”
He blew out a breath, gave me a quick nod. “Yeah, that’s for sure. I guess there’s no going back, right?”
“Nope.” I swung my legs slightly, smiling ruefully to myself. I’d gone back, and it had just put me right back here, facing forward instead of looking behind me. “If I’ve learned anything in life so far, it’s this,” I told Rory. “Trying to change the past is pointless. We can only change our future by the choices we make today.”
“That sounds like it belongs in a fortune cookie,” he teased.
“Doesn’t mean it isn’t true,” I insisted with grin. I took a last big bite of my slushy popsicle. I was feeling strangely happy.
We looked at each other then, the seconds stretching long. “I just have one more question,” Rory said, his face serious.
My heart skipped a beat. “Yes?”
“Can we please move and sit somewhere else? This windowsill is so narrow my legs are going numb.”
I burst out laughing and stood. He joined me, shaking his legs to restore circulation. He still had sexy soccer-player legs, I noticed, all lean muscle and toned calves. I licked the last few drops of the sugary syrup from my popsicle stick.
“Lolly, can I see you again? Please?” His gaze was so hopeful.
I paused for half a second. “I’d like that very much.”
He broke into a huge, delighted smile, the kind that made his eyes crinkle at the corners. I’d forgotten what that smile did to me. It was like the sun breaking through the clouds. Everything felt warmer all of a sudden. “Can I buy you breakfast tomorrow morning?”
“You’re not wasting any time.” I laughed.
He leaned toward me, his warm mouth brushing my hair, grazing the shell of my ear. “I think we’ve wasted enough time, don’t you?”
A shiver went down my spine, pure anticipation. I pulled back and looked at him, really looked at him. Whatever was happening felt too good to be true.
“Tomorrow morning I’ve got to be at the Ballard Farmers Market,” I said.
His face fell.
“But we could have breakfast beforehand,” I offered.
He met my eyes and grinned. “I’ll be there.”
47
The next morningwe met at a restaurant in Ballard, a trendy spot known for hearty Americana brunches just a few blocks from the farmers market. Eve had volunteered to get the Lolly’s Pops truck all ready to go so I could spend as much time with Rory as possible before I had to open for business.
It was a beautiful day, sunny and promising to be hot again. We sat at a tiny table in the window of the restaurant, our knees bumping beneath it. He ordered the sweet-potato-and-salmon hash, and I ordered chicken and waffles drenched in maple syrup. We shared our meals and talked and talked and laughed like fools. We got refills of coffee and let them grow cold.
