When I think I’ve lost my hearing, I hear a sob.
“Oh, C-Cole. I don’t know w-who it is. I don’t r…I don’t remember his name.” She covers her face with her hands as sobs wrack her body, pasta forgotten. I wrap my arms around her and wait for her to finish. When she peels away from me, her tears snake their way down her red cheeks, and she doesn't look me in the eye.
“I-it wasn’t long after you and Gabby had started going out, and I felt so lonely. I went out with Hayleigh one night, and you know how much she can drink. Well, I tried to keep up but failed miserably…”
“You weren’t taken advantage of, were you?” My vision darkens at the thought, but she quickly shakes her head.
“No! God, no, nothing like that. I just met someone. I can’t even remember his name. I might’ve been inebriated, but I specifically remember using protection, and there hasn’t been anyone else since.” She looks down at her lap, wringing her hands. “I bet you must think I’m such a slut.” She laughs, but it's humourless.
“Lacey, don’t you fucking dare call yourself that again. You are not a slut. You had one night of consensual sex that resulted in a pregnancy. That doesn’t make you anything other than a future mother, if that’s who you want to be, and whatever you decidefrom here on out, know that I am here and I am not going anywhere, okay?” She nods ever so slightly, and I can tell she’s getting lost in her head, so I change tactics. “Enough heavy talk, put on a film while I plate our food.”
I stand up and walk into the kitchen, trying and willing to calm down the jealous beast sitting inside of me right now. I wish I could find that lucky bastard who put his hands all over her and break every single one of his fucking fingers. He got to touch her. I can never touch her that way.
After we eat our food, we sit on the couch together, like we always do. She cuddles into me, again, nothing different to usual, and I wrap my arm around her. Only this feels different; it feels like I want to tell her how I think about her, and how I want more. Her soft snores sound, and instead of throwing caution to the wind, I gather her in my arms and carry her to her room. Tucking her in bed, I do something I've never done before: I drop a kiss on her head.
I lock up her front door with my spare key and will myself to go home, wishing she were mine and that the baby was too.
Chapter 5
Lacey
3weekslater
12 weeks pregnant. Baby size – passionfruit.
Morning sickness is a bitch for me, and one thing I have realised is that I dislike being sick. Not that I ever liked being sick, but it never bothered me as much before. This sickness comes in waves and is followed by a horrible headache.
Take this morning, for example. I woke up feeling OK; that was until I sat up in bed and the waves started. That’s why I am currently hugging my toilet bowl. I made it down to the floor thirty minutes ago, but now I can’t get back up.
Living alone has its perks sometimes, but right now, being sick just reminds me how lonely I am, making me wish for someone to help me and take care of me when I can't.
Over the past few weeks, Cole has been coming around every day, making sure I'm okay. It's been nice having my best friend around me again. But when he leaves, I'm reminded once more that I only truly have myself.
And now... little Peanut.
My phone starts ringing. Luckily, I brought it with me.
I slide it over to where I am before hitting theanswer button.“Hello?”
“Lacey, where are you? It sounds like you’re in a fishbowl.” Hayleigh’s voice echoes over the speaker.
Oh shit, I completely forgot they were coming round today. They arrived home yesterday after their three-week holiday. I feel like a terrible friend because I’m going to cancel, but I'm not ready to face telling them what I’ve done yet. It’s bad enough I lied about why I wouldn’t be going with them, well, more like omitting the truth. All they know is that I had pushed myself too hard lately and I hadn’t been looking after myself.
“I’m in my bathroom. I don’t think I’ll make it to lunch today. I don’t feel so good.”
“Oh, okay. Well, look after yourself.” She clicks off the phone, and I groan as another wave of nausea comes over me.
Way to go, Lacey, as well as a tart, now you’re a liar.
Crawling back into bed, I lay there with the covers off, relishing the cold on my skin. I left a window open last night, and the breeze drifts in, gently caressing my cheeks. I close my eyes and try to push the niggling guilty feeling away as I let sleep take over.
**********
I’m running through some tall grass, chasing a giggling toddler as she runs away from me, her blonde hair, just like mine, trailing off behind her and getting caught in the wind.
She shouts, “Dada!”
Cole jumps up out of the grass as he scoops her up in his arms and swings her about.
