Behind us, the balcony doors prop open. Asher barges out, holding a bottle of whiskey. His mask is gone, his hair windswept, and there’s a flash of red blooming on his neck—is that a hickey?
He snatches the cigarette from Rosa’s hand, wedging himself between us. “This again?”
“Don’t tell Tara. I’m still quitting. These events just stress me out.” Rosa snatches the whiskey from Asher’s hand and takes a sip with a grimace. “Absolutely disgusting.”
“A disgusting five thousand–pound bottle.” Asher turns to me, offering me the whiskey next. “Want some?”
“Wait, where did you go? Who was that guy?”Are you queer?I glance inside, but Matt is gone.
“Oh, you want details?” He smirks.
“Nooo.” I shove him sideways. He doesn’t seem worried that anyone at this party could out him. Whether it’s because he’s being careful or because he has a team to take care of that, I don’t know.
“Tara’s home. I’m leaving.” Rosa plants a smooch on Asher’s cheek. “Your breath stinks. Text me when you get home.”
“Okay.” Asher’s reaction is a mix of amusement and something else—a softness that flickers briefly in his eyes when Rosa presses her face against his. “See you later. Tell Tara to send me the links I asked her for.”
“We are not letting you rent an island for our wedding, Ashy.”
“But it’s romantic.”
“It’s a crime against humanity, is what it is.” Rosa disappears back into the party. “Bye, Sasha. See you on set!”
I half expect Asher to leave, too, but he just sighs and slides to the ground. His eyes find mine when I move to check my phone. “Are you ditching me, too, to hang out with your boyfriend? So many lovebirds flying around me.”
“Not yet.” I smooth my dress over my legs and sit next to him.
We’re quiet for a while, glancing at the mantle of stars, sharing sips of whiskey that is way too sweet and burns down my throat. It’s weird. I usually hate silence. It makes me feel exposed. But this feels peaceful. Like I need no script.
“I don’t get it, though. What’s so good about love?” he mumbles. I don’t know if he’s asking me or talking to himself.
“It’s nice to have someone to come home to,” I say. I always get excited when I have my moms, Sonia, Mia, and Kai to come back to.
“That’s not love. That’s companionship.”
“And companionship isn’t love?” I turn to him, but he just purses his lips. I’m not sure why he’s opening up suddenly. I don’t know what to make of it. Maybe he’s just drunk.
“Is that what Kai is to you?” he asks. “The person you want to come home to?”
I fidget with the hem of my dress, hesitating. Despite everything, I’m starting to enjoy fake-dating Kai. It’s like we get to be a couple without the pressure of romance. But I can’t let that peaceful feeling sink in. We’ll never be a couple in the traditional sense, and we have an expiration date.
“Look, I don’t think love has anything to do with falling in love. You can fall in love with someone you don’t love. And you can love someone without falling in love.”
“Everyone wants to fall in love.” He downs the last of the whiskey, his gaze dropping as he traces the edge of a tile with his finger. “It must be fun.”
It dawns on me then, what he’s implying. “You’ve never been in love?”
“Nah. I don’t think that’s in the cards for me.” There’s something about the way he says it, a hint of resignation in his voice that gives my heart a squeeze. “Maybe I’m a bad person.”
“Why would you be a bad person?” I flatten my hands on the floor, letting the coolness of the tiles ground me.
“That’s what my ex told me.”
“That Matt guy?”
“God, no. Matt’s just a friend.” He snorts, the breath he expels dispersing in the night air. “I had this situationship with someone a while ago, and he ended up falling for me. I told him I didn’t want to be exclusive. He thought I was leading him on.”
“Were you?” I ask. My stomach sinks. When Kai and I first broke up, he accused me of leading him on. He thought I had used him, taken advantage of his feelings.
