“But all these people…” He’s still dazed, staring at my lips.
“It’s time to be D’Asshole, Julian.” I tug at his shirt collar to bring him back. “Now, are you myreal ruff bitchor not?”
His jaw tightens, and he nods once. We jolt forward, me wrapped around Julian’s back, his fez’s tassel slapping me obscenely in the face. The tiny car is now noticeably back heavy, but my extra weight doesn’t stop us from zipping beneath the VFW banner and scaring the ever-loving Jesus out of Carl as Julian lays on the maniacal horn.Beep-beepity-beep-beeeeeep!
Sparrow Nook gasps as their new doctor rips through the Girl Scout troops, shouting obscenities as Thin Mints rain upon us. I try to grab one—they’re dairy-free—and nearly fall off. In a stunning lack of conscience, Julian cuts off the Sparrow Nook High School Band, causing a ripple of discordant notes in Bruce Springsteen’s “Dancing in the Dark” as we jolt to the parade’s front and veer toward the bandstand.
The Council-friends have already taken their seats on stage, the city manager chatting with Tonuto a few feet from the mic. This is how all parades in Sparrow Nook end—in the park with a bandstand for civic speeches and wholesome entertainment, surrounded by food trucks shilling pierogis and cheesesteaks and all other manner of gut bombs. After the last float, the town joins the parade, walking down Main Street together, pulling beach wagons filled to the brim with zero-gravity chairs, kids, and Yeti coolers. Small Town America at its most tricked out.
Sammy’s food truck is parked directly next to the bandstand—a prime location he must’ve camped out overnight to get. When the tiny car comes to a wheezing stop, I unclench my legs and hobble to the food truck window. “Sammy!” I screech over the sound of sizzling meat.
A bandana’ed head appears from the side, wielding a metal spatula. “Nomi? What’s up, hun?”
“What is Mike Tonuto’s last name?”
“Huh?” Sammy frowns.
“What’s his full name, Sammy? Say it!” I slap the counter. It’s at my face’s level, which makes me feel like a toddler.
Sammy’s face hardens, fingers gripping the spatula. “Michelangelo Shawn Tonuto DiFiore. Why?”
“We got him, Sammy!” The grin explodes on my face. “Look!”
Sammy reviews the welcome letter from Jersey Mike’s, his face reddening in rage. “Jersey Mike’s?!He’s trying to destroy Mom’s legacy withcorporate bread!” His eyes are big and desperate. “They don’t use Sarcone’s, Nomi! They don’t!”
“No.” I grimace in agreement. Even I, a Georgia transplant, understand the sanctity of Sarcone’s rolls. “They do not.”
“This is low,this is LOW! Even for Mikey!”
The last float arrives, the town tailing behind. The audio tech’s doing a last-minute sound check, tapping the microphone while Tonuto stands by, preparing to give the opening remarks.
I whip back around. “We’ve got to expose him, Sammy! Today, now, before it’s too late!”
“Let’s take ’im down,” Sammy growls.
Julian jogs back to my side, having “parked” the tiny car in a nearby ditch. “I’m here! What’s the plan?”
“Um, plan. Right.” I wince, wishing I’d vaped literally any other strain. Julian and Sammy are looking to me to lead this rally againstinjustice, but I keep getting distracted by the siren smell of funnel cake. “I’m thinking.”
“Welcome to Sparrow Nook’s Annual Labor Day Big Day Off Celebration!” Tonuto’s amplified voice bounces suddenly around the park. Families are still setting up their picnic blankets and chairs, battling tent poles and rolling out grills too big to be portable, but Tonuto’s impatient as always. He clears his throat into the microphone, peeved already.
I form a tight huddle with Julian and Sammy. “We need to get Council-friend Min’s attention, lure her off the stage somehow. If we tell her what’s going on, she’ll know what to do. Sammy, you try from over here. Offer her—I don’t know. A free cheesesteak or something. Julian, see if you can creep around backstage. I’ll take the other side.” As we break apart, my comrades look less than impressed with my plan, but I don’t know what else to do.
“But there are security guards back there,” Julian says.
“Seduce who you must. You have my permission.” I slap his confused face lightly on the cheek, then sprint off for the other side of the stage, closest to where Min’s sitting.
Tonuto rails over the general hubbub. “Our musical entertainment will begin shortly, but before that, it is time to appoint this year’s slate of new officers for your city council!”
I trip over a family’s blanket. They’re appointing the new officerstoday? Shit. Is that why Tonuto’s leading the ceremony? Isheup for chair? If he gets it, he’ll control the agenda for the next year!
This might be our only chance to expose him for the fraud he is.
I take my position at the side stage, as close as I can get. “Min!” I hiss through cupped hands. “Min!”
She doesn’t hear me. I try again. When that doesn’t work, I take a deep breath and run up to the security guard posted at the side stage entrance.
“Listen, Ihaveto talk to Min Lee—it’s a council emergency! Can you get her attention for me?”
