“So you’re saying you don’t have a lot of experience, then.” Eve smirks.
“I didn’t say that!” I yell, eyes frantically meeting Nomi’s just as she winces and presses the button.
Zap!
“I have some experience.” I look anywhere but Nomi as I try to neutralize the words coming out of my mouth. “Though I do not date. Much.”
“Really,” Eve leans forward, intrigued, and to my surprise, so does Nomi. Her eyes flit to mine, curiosity blooming there.
“Nomi doesn’t date much, either.”
“Jesus, Eve!” Nomi shoves her shoulder.
“Well, there is Lil Dom,” Graham says, meeting Eve’s smirk with his own. “She taps that from time to time. And the old English teacher from Sparrow Nook High.”
“Mr. Sanders?!” I breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out. I want to go rip the stupid elbow patches right off thecool teacher’sarms that started teaching there straight out of college. But I breaaaaathe instead.
“How—nice,” I finally growl with great effort. Nomi regards me suspiciously but ultimately doesnotzap me.
“Great job, Julian!” Eve slaps me on the shoulder. “This concludes the art of casual conversation. You showed real growth. Now. What’s your cable provider?”
I frown, still sweating about Mr. Sanders. “Um. Comcast?”
“Perfect.” She sets the timer on her phone. “You have twenty minutes to cancel your cable subscription. Go!”
“But… I don’t want to cancel my subscription!” I look between Graham and Nomi pleadingly.
“Don’t worry, they won’t let you,” Graham says. “That’s the point.”
“Step one.” Eve sits back with her arms folded behind her head. “Find a working phone number and put it on speakerphone.”
*eight minutes and six failed phone numbers later*
“No, I willnotenter my account number again. I’dliketo speak to a real human!”
Zap!
Suddenly, the hold music shifts to a real, human voice.“Hello, this is Matilda. How can I help you today?”
“Oh, thank God. I need to cancel my—”
“Before we begin, I need to verify your identity. Could you please provide your account number, your date of birth, and your last registered address?”
“I just enteredallof that on the automated—Ow!” I breathe deeply and try again. “My account number is 459821JFP—”
“B as in Bubbles?”
“No, P as in, I don’t know, Petunias.”
“Okay, great. B as in Betunias.”
I rear back in my seat. “Betunias is not a word!”
Zaaaaap!
“P, I said P, as inplease,” I whimper. “Please help.”
Meanwhile, Nomi is losing it, she’s laughing so hard. “Betunias,” she whispers out, and Eve grabs her, laughing into her shoulder.
