“You are mad at me.” I state the obvious. “But I didn’t actually do anything except relay information in a clumsy and tactless way.”
“I am mad at you,” Rani says, lobbing a piece of bread like it’s a missile. The ducks duck.
“Don’t take it out on the ducks, though!” I say as they quack and waggle in the water.
“I’m feeding the ducks,” she says, Frisbeeing an entire slice of bread into the middle of the lake. The ducks all hustle after it at speed.
“I’m really sorry,” I offer. “LadyB took me to one side just to tell me that Alex had a track record of being a player. I said to her, I said, ‘This is between Rani and Alex. They are grown adults, and it has nothing to do with me, unless Rani asks me. And so far, Alex has treated her with respect and kindness.’ And then I saw you and... well you know, I did that thing I do.”
“I know.” There’s a small wooden jetty that leads out into the tranquil waters of the lake that is edged with fat, flat lily pads crowned with huge flowers. Rani walks to the edge and, kicking off her shoes, dips her feet in the water. Cautiously, I join her. I’m fairly confident there are no sharks in this lake, but I still give it a moment of consideration before sliding my feet into the greenish water. That’s what comes of watchingJawsby accident at eight years old.
“It’s not even you I’m mad at, really,” Rani says after a while.
“Do you think you could just specify that you aren’t mad at me at all?” I ask her. “Just for my peace of mind. You know how I hate to be in trouble.”
She gives me a long sideways look.
“You know me, Ava,” she says.
“Yes, I do.” I nod. “But fill me in on what you’re thinking, just in case.”
“I’m not mad at you at all.” She gives me a small smile.
“Thank you.” I fling my arms around her and give her a hug. “I feel a lot better now. So what or who are you mad at? Is it Alex or Lady B?”
“I think it’s myself.” Rani scrunches up her face in thought. “It’s like how come I can never get it right?”
“I mean no one ever gets it right the first time, I expect,” I tell her. “Or the fifth. I think it’s a numbers game, you know. Maybe. Honestly, I have no idea what I’m talking about.”
“You really don’t,” Rani tells me, with a fond nudge. “Although you do currently have two extremely attractive men interested in you, and one of them is even real.”
“I do not,” I protest. “Just because I’ve made friends with Forrest, that doesn’t mean anything, and anyway, stop trying to deflect! We are not talking about me, we are talking about you. Life is complicated when you don’t live most of it in a lab. People are complicated and it takes guts to go out there and make connections, guts and optimism, which you have always had, Rani. The way you live life is the right way to do it, even if sometimes there are setbacks. And we don’t even know that Alex is a setback yet. There is no evidence either way. In summary, I don’t think you need to feel mad at yourself.”
“Do you remember lovely Dev, who my mum was so hopeful that I’d marry?” Rani asks as if she hasn’t heard a word I just said, which is annoying because I think that was one of my better pep talks.
“Dev who got more excited by Excel spreadsheets than sex,” I add.
“And then there was Ethan,” she recalls. “He had it all, looks, humour, brains, success...”
“Sex appeal of a half-dead cod,” I add.
“I know.” She looks at me, frowning. “Like how is it possible to be that good-looking, and not at all sexy? Tell me, how?”
“It’s a mystery.” I shrug. “It defied all logic.”
“And then Amir. I really thought that maybe we’d get something going there.”
“He is on my nemesis list,” I say, darkly. Amir had hurt Rani very badly. She trusted him with her heart, and he smashed it all up and then jumped on it. Turns out he had a girl in every postcard in York.
“It took me a lot to get up from that one,” Rani reflects, swishing her ankle in circles in the water. Having devoured the bread she threw in, the ducks are approaching again, hopeful and noisy.
“It did,” I say, remembering how I’d sat next to her for a month while she cried, and we watched bad movies. How I brought her soup in bed, and toast. Because that’s my two speciality dishes. Then one day she said, “I have to get over this. I’m going to drown in soup.” She gave me a big hug and made me come with her for a run. I still haven’t got over that one. Running for fun is an activity I will never understand.
“But here we are two years later, and things are great,” Rani says. “The shop is a tourist destination, the website ships all over the world, my flatmate is usually pleasant to live with.”
“Thanks,” I say.
“You know I love you, bitch,” she adds.
