“And that’s why you were there that night? Because you wanted to see me in person?”
There’s a long silence. Johan watches me in the way he always usedto when I was on a call from the hospital. There’s respect in the way he’s looking at me—pride, even—but also detachment. Johan never interfered, or piled in to support me, like Robin does. He never used to feed me “helpful” advice in a whisper or on a piece of paper, like Robin does; he never sat there listening.
I have only ever seen these qualities of Robin’s as supportive. Now I’m unsure.
“Yes,” my husband says eventually. “I did ask if I could come to the gala. I normally left those things to Andrew and his wealthy chums—I’ve never had the kind of spare cash needed for donations. But, yes—I did hope to clap eyes on you. I still felt so guilty—not just about Johan, but about you, this woman I’d never met yet heard so much about. But, darling, I never planned to fall in love with you. I never even planned to talk to you, I just…look, I’m being honest with you now, at least. I’m not some sort of—”
I cut in. “Don’t tell me what you are and what you’re not. I have no grounds whatsoever to trust you.”
“I know this is all terrible. I have gone over it again and again in my head, over the years. Should I tell her? Should I just come clean? But what purpose would it have served? We were happy, Carrie!Youwere happy! You were looked after and safe!”
“What purpose would it have served?” I am incredulous. “What purpose would it…Oh my God. And that wasn’t ‘looked after and safe.’ That was pathological deception.”
I stand up. I walk back and forth between the table and sink, sickened yet certain I will not let Robin steer this conversation. I will not letanyonesteer a conversation that involves me and my life again.
“Did you know Johan had got out of prison? That he was back in Sweden? And Robin, do not bullshit me.”
“I did know, yes,” he says, as if this is irrelevant information. “But I—”
“Is that why you paid for my hotel in Stockholm? To make sure I wasn’t staying anywhere near where Johan works or lives? Is that why you were weird about me going in the first place? Why you kept saying you were worried it would be ‘too much’?”
“Of course not! That hotel was my treat. I wanted you to have somewhere easy to stay. Somewhere walkable to the conference. And Iwasconcerned for your well-being he says. “It was a big deal for you to fly out there after all these years.”
I don’t believe him.
“We can work this out,” he says firmly. “Carrie. I know you’re extremely upset right now. You’re going to be feeling very emotional, especially with your father’s—”
“Stop right there.”
“I’m sorry?”
“Firstly, you will not use my father’s death to tell me I need a little lie-down.” I take a breath. “And, secondly, do not come anywhere near us until you hear from my lawyer.”
There’s an astonished silence. Then Robin says, “Carrie? Did you just threaten me with a lawyer?”
“You tracked me down and pretended to be a charming stranger.” My voice is stronger than I feel, for which I am grateful. “Youtracked me down, Robin. That goes beyond stalking. That’s…I don’t even know what that is. But you can be clear about one thing, and that’s that the lawyer is not a threat. It’s a very sincere promise.”
Silence again. When he speaks, there’s a slide of condescension in his voice. “Um, Carrie. I think you’ve forgotten that you don’t have a lawyer. It was me who took care of all that sort of thing.”
“And I think you’ve forgotten who I am,” I say. “Although perhaps you never knew.”
Robin forces a laugh, but I know he’s beginning to panic. “Darling.I know this is all awful, but there’s so much I need to explain to you. I mean, the situation out there in Myanmar was deadly. My boss, Valentin, he was directly involved with the biggest crime ring in Southeast Asia. I’d have been dead in minutes if he stopped trusting me. I did what I did because I had no choice.”
“Everyone has a choice.”
“In this world, yes. In that world, no. But look, there’s so much you don’t know, Carrie. I did my best for both of you—I persuaded my boss to send a great deal of money to Johan in prison; he never did that sort of thing normally. I kept Johan protected the entire time. I intervened with your hospital trust so they’d force you to come home—I wanted you to get the hell out of there. Not because you were making things difficult for us, but because I was worried you’d somehow get sucked into it all and then I’d have ruined two people’s lives.”
“Oh, you definitely managed that.”
“And in the deal I did with the authorities I made sure the Thai police left you out of it, Carrie. I did that to help you!”
I hear my voice rise to a shout. “What else did you do to help me, Robin? Track me down and get a ring on my finger?”
There’s a long silence.
“Like I said,” my husband continues, when he’s found his voice again. “I never planned to fall in love with you. But just to be clear, you are not going to try to take my children away from me. I’m their father.”
I can’t speak.
