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My words linger in the air as she looks up at me, her bottom lip pulled between her teeth. She has no reason to believe me after what I put her through, but everything I said is one hundred percent honest and genuine. Whether or not she’ll believe me after everything we’ve been through is what has me holding my breath, anxiously waiting.
Lennon squeezes her eyes shut and barely shakes her head. “I’m sorry, Hunter.”
Chapter Ten
Lennon
When I look at Hunter, I feel as if my body’s on fire. He drops his hand, and as soon as I lose his touch, I miss it.
He’s felt like this since the beginning? All that time he treated me like shit because he had feelings for me? My head spins from his confession and the way I haven’t allowed myself to admit my own feelings—the ones I’ve been avoiding.
You’ve been the only woman I’ve ever truly wanted.
“I’m sorry, Hunter.” I close my eyes a moment, and when I open them again, his head falls. “I’m still in love with Brandon, and I don’t know if I’ll ever be over him,” I admit. “This is a lot to take in right now.”
“I know,” he replies softly. “I shouldn’t have done that or pushed this conversation on you.”
Am I that surprised? Should I have seen the signs earlier? He took care of me right after Brandon died, refused to leave my side, and pretended to be my husband so my parents would accept the baby. How much of that was his loyalty to his best friend and how much of it was because of his unrequited feelings for me this whole time?
“You’ve never been in a serious relationship and say that you would’ve tried to make me happy and all that, but you have no idea what would’ve happened between us,” I tell him matter-of-factly. “How could you have flipped a switch just like that? Left your bachelor days behind for me?” My heart is lodged in my throat, and I’m not sure it’s even beating anymore. I’m currently living in the twilight zone, and I’m almost tempted to pinch myself to make sure I’m not dreaming. My thoughts are all over the place, and I can’t think clearly as his words repeat in my ears.
“I might not be able to predict the future, but I would’ve done everything in my power to do things right with you. I wouldn’t have fucked up that chance. Things have always been different with you, and I can promise I’d never hurt you. But the moment I saw you with Brandon, that was it. I wasn’t going to interfere, but I never understood why you didn’t give me a chance, Lennon. Guess I shouldn’t be that surprised.” He wraps both hands around his head and squeezes the tension in his neck as if he’s blaming himself for why I didn’t return.
“I did feel something that night, Hunter,” I shyly admit. “We shared a moment, had a connection, and it was evident as soon as I saw you.” I feel guilty even admitting this aloud, but he deserves to know. “And if I’m being honest, my insecurities got the best of me. Seeing those other women, hearing what they were saying about you, I knew I didn’t want anything to do with that. Then I met Brandon…”
“You don’t have to go on,” he tells me as if it’s painful to hear. “Brandon was the best guy I knew, and you two were perfect for each other. I wasn’t blind. I saw it.”
I swallow, holding back tears. God, why is this so hard? How is it possible to be torn between my feelings for two men when one isn’t even here anymore?
Feeling like my legs might give out on me, I walk to the couch and sit.
Of course Hunter follows, but he sits on the opposite end, leaving space between us. He doesn’t take his eyes off me as I try to work through all of this. It’s almost too much to process on top of everything else that’s happened. I replay Utah in vivid detail, the things he said, the way he kissed me and continually swept me off my feet. I can almost hear my parents talk about how in love we looked and how it made them happy.
It all makes sense now because Hunter wasn’t pretending.
But was I? It was way too easy to fall into our roles.
In the past, I’d thought maybe he was upset because I stole his best friend. I had an inkling once when we ran into each other in the kitchen that first night that he was annoyed that I went home with Brandon instead of him, but I’d convinced myself he just hated me for ruining his bachelor pad. Considering he’s had numerous women in his bed, I never thought he was still hung up on that night, or that the one moment we shared in the pitch-black bar mattered to him.
