Jade sets her bag on the floor and crawls into my twin bed with me after removing the trash scattered at the foot of it. I scoot to make room for her, and Jade spoons me.
“I like being the little spoon,” I say, my voice a little shaky.
“I know, sweetie. How ya feeling?”
“Sad. Confused.”
“He’s such a shithead,” she says, planting a kiss on the top of my head.
“He really isn’t.”
Before finding out about the scholarship earlier this week, I probably would have agreed with Jade, but I can’t now.
“He isn’t. I’m just trying to make you feel better,” she says.
“He did a really, really shitty thing. But he also did a really, really kind thing. That’s the worst part. I don’t even think he’s a bad person. He just hurt me.”
“I am so sorry, Jessie.”
“No, wait, that’s not the worst part. The worst part is that I want to forgive him and call him and pretend it never happened. But this other part of me is like…I’m not sure I could trust him. Except that he just did this extraordinarily selfless thing, and I can’t stop thinking about one or the other, and it’s just a freaking seesaw in my brain.”
“Then let’s not do any thinking. Just Christmas movies.” She snuggles me a little closer. A choir on the movie fills the silence—a Christmas hymn, of course.
“I don’t want to go to work tonight,” I say.
“Can someone cover for you?”
“No, I already asked around.”
“I’d cover for you if I could.”
Jade would be so lost behind the coffee counter. I won’t be much better, but I did get a little training last year when I covered this shift. I know she’d really cover my shift if she could, and that’s one of five billion reasons she’s so amazing. For the past week, Jade and I have cuddled in my bed; she’s bought us takeout and kept the freezer stocked with ice cream. Her schedule has essentially revolved around me since the Saturday she picked me up in the parking lot of Mac’s apartment, and I don’t know if I’ve ever felt so loved or cared for.
“What if he comes by and tries to apologize or talk to me? I can’t…”
“Call me immediately if he does, and I will take care of it.”
I take reassurance in this, because if I can trust anyone in this world, it’s Jade.
“What about you?” I ask, tired of talking and thinking about Mac. “What’s the update with George Greg and Threesome Anna?”
“I’m still balancing both non-relationships but starting to feel more and more guilty.”
“Guilty, huh?”
I turn to face her, and Jade releases me from her hold. She lies on her back and throws her arms over her eyes.
“Ugh, don’t.”
“So you are catching feels?” I ask.
“Too many of them,” she says, and I practically hear her roll her eyes.
“I knew it,” I say, giving her arm a playful pinch.
She slaps my hand away. “Shut up.”
“Which one of them do you have feelings for?”
