“Both of them?”
“Uh-oh. Is this The Most Dramatic Finale ofThe BacheloretteEver?” I say, imitating the commercial voice.
“I wish. I’d be willing to profess my love and choose between these two in Paris or Greece in a beautifully sparkly dress.”
“You know, I can’t make Greece happen, but we could set up a rose ceremony. I think both of them would respect you for that. Also, I’m going to skip over the fact you used the L word, mostly because I don’t have the energy to unpack that with you.”
“Yes, well, I didn’t mean it. I don’t love either of them. I just like them.”
“You like-like them.” I smile at her, egging her on.
She blushes, and even in the fog of my own sadness there’s a pinprick of light, of excitement, for Jade. She doesn’t catch feelings, always claiming she’s “bad at love,” so this is all a big deal.
“Yes, I like-like them.” She sighs heavily, dropping her arms to her sides. She props herself up on one side, facing me now.
“You have to say something,” I say.
“Why? I’m not exclusive with either of them. They could be seeing and sleeping with other people and that would be fine.” She shrugs, trying to be casual, but it’s the most forced-casual shrug I’ve ever seen.
I raise my eyebrows at her. “Except your tone tells me that maybe it wouldn’t be so fine with you.”
“Fuck off.” She points at me and then pokes me in the shoulder.
“You can’t tell me to fuck off when I say something true that you don’t like to hear,” I say.
“I can, and I will.”
“Your response has been noted.” I stare at her until she rolls her eyes, dropping face-down on the bed this time, face squished into my pillow.
“Fine. But do I have to tell them I’ve been seeing the other person and I like them too?”
“Probably.”
“Boo,” Jade says. “Being an adult is stupid.”
“I agree.”
“Can’t I just break hearts and take names?”
“You could. But you’re not that person.”
“I actually am that person.” She picks herself back up again to lie on her side, propping her head up on a hand. “But the fact that you choose to believe otherwise is what I love the most about you.” She reaches out and pinches my cheek in a half-affectionate, half-teasing way.
I scrunch my face in response and turn back around to my laptop, which is propped on the nightstand, still playing my role.
Talking with Jade about her problems made mine disappear for a minute, but it only takes half a second for them to come back and haunt me. My heartbreak, momentarily forgotten, crashes back over me. A wave I tried to hold back with a paper wall. Salty tears paint my face for the hundredth time today.
We ignore the world for the Christmas movie, both of us avoiding feelings and situations that hurt too much to hold. For a short time we release them from our hands, cuddling until an alarm on my phone reminds me I need to get ready for the work shift.
I rummage through my drawers for an outfit while Jade sits cross-legged on my bed.
For the length of the movie, I didn’t think about Mac once, but now I’m up and getting ready and my thoughts start to tornado again, picking up the debris of my feelings, causing utter chaos inside me.
“Jade, please just tell me what to do about Mac.”
She presses her lips together in a thin line. “Well…what is your top option at the moment?”
I shake my head, tossing a shirt that’s obviously dirty into my laundry basket. “I don’t know. Try to forget he ever existed?”
