“That’s—” A long pause. “Yep, okay. Obviously, I fully support that.”
I glare at her. “Out with it,” I say.
“You don’t need Opinion Jade right now, and I’m doing a really good job withholding that opinion. So maybe don’t push it.”
“I want Opinion Jade. I wouldn’t push if I didn’t want it.”
“Are you sure?”
“Since when do you ask if I’m sure about hearing your opinions before you spout them at me?”
“You’re delicate right now, and I’m trying to be delicate with you.”
“I’m not that delicate,” I murmur.
“You cried at a Rice Krispies commercial.”
“Those are sad, okay?”
I am delicate, she’s right, but I hate when people have something to say and don’t say it. I don’t want to be tiptoed around, not even now.
Jade pats the bed, and I finish changing quickly and lean against it. She takes my hands in hers and looks me dead in the eye.
“I think the fact Mac is Sexy Shakespeare is incredible. You know you have chemistry. You looked for him for a month, which is, like, sooo not you, and he was right there all along! Did he do something shitty? Yes. But we are human. And humans make mistakes. And I think this mistake is worth forgiving. And I think it’s stupid for you to never speak to him again. Especially since I know for a fact that you love him.”
“I don’t love him,” I say, grumpy that Jade has so clearly read my mail.
She just scoffs. “Fine, then at the very least you have insanely deep and intense feelings for him, and you’re allowed to be hurt and sad for as long as you need. What he did was shitty, okay? I’m not saying what he did was okay. But I also think it’s worth forgiving. Especially considering the chemistry between you two. It’s palpable. I’ve never seen anyone so smitten with you. So obsessed with you. It’s kind of gross, actually.”
A smile cracks my face open. But just a little. “Damn it, Jade. No jokes. I’m trying to be sad.”
“Oops. Sorry. Sad Jessie. Sad Jade. We can do that.”
I gather my hair to one side and braid it slowly, chewing on everything Jade said.
“That wasn’t so bad,” I say.
“There’s more.”
“Uh-oh.”
“Should I finish?”
I gesture for her to continue.
She cracks her knuckles but holds eye contact. Confrontation has always been a strong suit of Jade’s.
“I think the reason you can’t forgive Mac is because you haven’t forgiven yourself.”
I blink, but it’s the only movement I can conjure. I don’t even think my blood is moving through my body. My heart definitely stops beating for half a second. I’ve never understood deer more than I do right now. Jade’s words resound so profoundly inside me my bones absorb the echo.
“You messed up freshman year. You had a really hard year and you partied a little too much that your grades slipped, and since then you’ve been unreasonably hard on yourself. You stopped having fun at all, to the point that when you did go out and try to let loose a little you couldn’t enjoy it. I swear to god, you barely smiled for two years. But look what happened at the Halloween party this year. You let yourself have fun for the first time in a long time. Mac brought out my favorite side of you. Look what it led to! You found love.”
“I found heartbreak.”
“Your heart would not be hurting if you felt nothing for him.” She pronounces every syllable so I don’t miss a thing.
I shift from one foot to the other, avoiding eye contact. I twist a stray thread on the bedsheet around my finger.
