“A life free of expectations. A life of independence. A life without being beholden to a husband. But it is not as though I am unchanged by knowing you. I have come to see that there is merit in taking part in life rather than simply observing it. I hope that I shall experience more of it.”
“I am sure you will not regret it.”
“And you shall be able to leave London.”
“I shall.”
“I assume that is what has caused Alfred such consternation?”
Edmund inclined his head. “I asked him to take over my business affairs. I plan to leave when Lydia is married, or even when she is betrothed. I do not think she and Charlotte are going to take the news well. Mary knows too, and I believe that Grandmother suspects that something is afoot.”
“And yet you will leave anyway.”
“I have always put myself first. I am a selfish rake, after all.”
“You don’t have to put on an act for me, Edmund,” Rose said. She turned fully toward him and gave him a sympathetic look. “I know that this is untrue. When your parents died, you bore the responsibility. You did what you could to take care of your sisters. You are many things, but you are not selfish.”
“You are most courteous, but I fear people will think that I am. Especially if the fate of my parents befalls me.”
“Or you shall return to London having slaked your thirst for adventure, and you shall be ready to settle down.”
“Yes… meet the expectations placed upon me and produce an heir. I have avoided it for so long, but I may have been delaying the inevitable. Even if I leave, this obligation shall be waiting for me when I return. But if I did return… if you were still unmarried…”
Rose furrowed her brow. Was he really asking what she thought he was asking?
“I would seek to remain so. I have been consistent with my wishes from the very beginning.”
“Yes, I suppose you have,” he replied. She wasn’t certain, but she thought she detected a hint of disappointment in his expression. “Besides, I am hardly the most suitable bride. Even though my parents would love to force the issue, I was never born to be a duchess. Whenever I try to meet those standards I always feel as though I am playing a role.”
“In some ways, I think we’re all playing a role. The only times I have been truly honest are with you. You have seen the real me, Rose.”
“The man who helps farmers? You kept it quiet from the others. Why?”
“I did not want them to make a fuss. They would have praised me and called me heroic for going out of my way to help that man, but I do not want their praise for something that should come naturally to everyone. Helping people should not be an extraordinary feat.”
Rose nodded slowly, wishing he had said something different because once again it revealed the true nobility of his character, as if his soul were a shining treasure buried beneath rust, soot, and dust. Each time she spoke with him, she rubbed away a little more, and she saw him more clearly.
And if she were to get married, then he would be the kind of man she would want for a husband. But she needed to draw a stark line.
“There will be other women, more suitable women.”
“When have I ever wanted a suitable woman?” he quipped. Such things came so easily to him. Rose sensed a shifting tension in the air. Although they were not openly admitting it, it seemed clear that they both wanted the same thing, yet neither would grasp it. Too many promises had been made, both to themselves and to each other.
Ambitions that had resided in their hearts since childhood were too deeply-rooted to pull out now. Abandoning them would have seemed like some kind of failure.
“I think you know who I am speaking about. The diamond of the Season. The one who shines brightest of all. She is the moon, and the rest of us are but stars reflecting her glory,” Rose said, turning her gaze skyward.
“Amelia?” Edmund asked.
“She is everything a duchess should be. She has practically been bred for the role. She would be perfect for you, and she is of an age where she could be patient for a little while as you indulge your spirit of adventure.”
“I am not sure she would appreciate a betrothal to an absent man.”
“But you are not justanyman. You are a duke.”
“And I suppose that is all I shall ever be.”
“She will be here ready to help you fulfill your obligations,” Rose said.
