“Because you are supposed to be better than them.”
“What do you mean?” Edmund asked.
Agatha lowered her voice as if she was speaking of forbidden things.
“I loved them both dearly. I still mourn them, but they should have taken their parental duties more seriously. They never should have left, not together, at least. They loved you dearly, but they could never quite figure out the balance between being parents and performing their research. They made promises that they could not fulfill, and they put themselves in unnecessary danger.”
“I… I never realized you felt that way.”
“I do not like to speak ill of the dead, especially to you, who should cherish their memories. But they were wrong to leave when they did. They knew the risks involved. They should have stayed because you three needed them to be parents a bit longer. I understand it has been hard for you to take on that title and all those responsibilities, but it is not your fault, Edmund. You have done your best, and you do not have to be like your parents to find happiness. It is all around you,” Agatha said.
Edmund blinked slowly as he thought about her words. He had never thought of things from his grandmother’s perspective before, how she might have advised his parents differently. He always assumed that they had things worked out, but perhaps it wasn’t so. Perhaps it was impossible to have everything in life, but then… what was he willing to sacrifice?
“I am sorry for interrupting, but I wondered if I might dance with the host. It would be a great honor,” Amelia said, smiling sweetly at him. Still troubled by his thoughts, he accepted Amelia’s offer and walked with her to the dance floor. A lively tune was being played, and they quickly fell into the steps.
Amelia was a talented dancer, graceful and precise. However, Edmund couldn’t stop thinking about Rose. It was she he wanted to dance with, she who inspired him to see things differently, she whom he would be leaving behind. The promenades had started out as a game to him, a distraction, but they had quickly turned into something more.
“I wanted to thank you for the invitation to this gathering, Your Grace. It has been a wonderful experience, and I have learned so much. Lady Rose is a lucky woman,” she said.
“I am sure she will appreciate you saying so,” Edmund replied.
“And I wished to say that should circumstances change, and you still find yourself in want of a wife, I should not be indisposed to the prospect. I may not have won Pall Mall, but there are other games,” she said with a smile that was caught between sly and sweet.
Edmund responded to her words with a polite smile and nothing else. His mind was in chaos, and he believed that only Rose could bring him peace.
But he’d cast his gaze across the hall and she was nowhere to be seen.
Have I lost her already?
Chapter Twenty-Six
“Do you have any answers for me?” Rose whispered softly, staring at the moon.
She was standing on the terrace, her hands resting on a hard, stone barrier. The night was cool and fresh. The veil of darkness covered her, and the moon was full. Stars sparkled above, while behind her, the music flowed inside the hall. Everyone seemed to be having a wonderful time, but she couldn’t wait for it to end.
This situation with Edmund had become interminable. It wasn’t what she wanted. Her own heart was betraying her, and she needed to put a stop to it before it was too late, before she could not be saved.
A door opened behind her. She knew it was him even before she turned her head. It was like that now. She was somehow innately aware of his presence. Her skin prickled and her chest became tight. She closed her eyes in an attempt to compose herself.
“Would you like to dance?” he asked.
“Not tonight,” she said quietly. He closed the door behind them and came to stand beside her. She crossed her arms and made sure that he didn’t step too close.
It was too dangerous for him to do so.
“I missed you in there.”
“You seem to have been having fun. There has not been a dull moment in this party for you.”
“Every moment without you is a dull moment.”
Rose’s lips curled at the corners. “You do not have to speak to me in such a way, Edmund. I think we both know that you are being insincere.”
“Am I?”
“This is a game. We have both played it well, but it is time for it to come to an end. People might take you more seriously now after seeing how you have courted me, and I will be able to take this courtship and declare that my forsaken heart shall never be healed from the sorrow. I think we must be plain about our desires.”
“And you still desire this? An unmarried life?”
