‘Don’t I?’ He seemed surprised. ‘Sorry. But you do – look very attractive, I mean.’
‘I can’t think why.’
Her hand shot up to smooth her dark, wiry curls, now flecked with silver and cut into a chin-length bob. Taming her hair was a never-ending battle; it had a tendency to spring forth in all directions, like Medusa’s snakes.
Ralph leaned over and gently took her hand away, holding it lightly in his palm and stroking the back with his thumb. His hand felt big and warm and, for some reason, she wanted to cry.
‘Hey, what’s up?’ he asked, noticing her expression.
‘It’s just…’ she began, before stopping. He didn’t move.
‘Just what?’
The weather outside was cold but inside felt warm and cosy. Edie broke away from him to take off her navy-blue cardigan and put it carefully in her lap, playing for time.
Mustering courage, she raised her head once more and looked him in the eye.
‘Are we all right?’ she blurted. ‘You and me?’
His body tensed and his sandy-coloured eyebrows shot up.
‘I think so.’ He laughed nervously. ‘Aren’t we? Why? What’s brought this on?’
She was tired and wished she hadn’t embarked on the conversation; she’d been ruminating on the way home but hadn’t planned to put her thoughts into words. Now, it was too late to stop.
‘It’s just, we don’t seem to do anything together any more,’ she said, before swallowing. ‘I mean, this is lovely, us having a glass of wine together. Most of the time we seem to lead parallel lives.’
Her eyes felt dry and stingy, and rubbing them only made things worse.
‘We’re always working and if not, we’re so tired we can hardly speak. I thought things would change when the children left, but they haven’t. We see less of each other now than we did before?—’
‘That’s not true,’ Ralph responded. ‘We watchedFamily Guytogether the other night.’ He laughed again, trying to make light of it.
‘That’s not talking, it’s co-existing.’
She took another swig of her drink and put the glass down, running a finger idly round the rim. Her head had started to buzz; the wine must be strong.
‘Is this about – you know?’
As Ralph spoke, Edie noticed his expression change and his features distorted into a frown.
‘I thought we’d moved on from that,’ he went on. ‘Why are you bringing it up again?’
That ‘it’ was such a small word, yet with such deep resonance.
‘I’m not,’ she insisted. ‘This has got nothing to do with it.’
She meant it. At least, she thought she did. Maybe she was kidding herself.
Her mind flashed back to about this time ten years ago and his one-night stand. He’d been to a works do in central London and had booked a hotel room in advance, knowing he’d struggle to catch the last train home.
She’d only found out about the fling because he’d acted so strange and guilty afterwards. Her suspicions raised, she’d confronted him a few days later and he’d confessed immediately; he’d always been the world’s worst liar.
In his own words, it had been ‘a moment of madness’. The opportunity arose and temptation, coupled with copious amounts of alcohol, had got the better of him.
Plus, he and Edie had been going through a tricky patch; she was up to her neck in work, preparing for an Ofsted inspection, and the kids were being extra demanding. He’d been feeling unloved and unappreciated and, well, this other woman had happened to cross his path…
He’d wept bitter tears and begged Edie to give him another chance. Shaken to her very core, she’d initially asked him to leave, not at all convinced she could get through the pain and hurt and come out the other side.
