“I scratched you, though, bad enough that you bled, I kicked at you...I let my fear take over. I only snapped out of it because you made me feel safe, even after I hurt you.”
Caleb shook his head and leaned in. “And I would gladly do anything for you if it meant that you felt safe and cared for.”
I wanted to kiss him. I was nervous about what would happen next, but I so badly wanted to kiss him. I leaned forward, and he did the same just as the lantern flickered and went out.
“Dang it. That lantern was one I didn’t think I needed to change the batteries in yet. Just a minute.”
Caleb straightened his legs as he started to get up, but I put my hand on his arm, stopping him. “Wait.” Nerves and excitement made my pulse race as I scooted closer to him, placing one leg on either side of him, scooting as close as I could. The light in the room was dimmer than before, with the glow of a few candles.
“Hey,” he said with a smile on his face as he placed one hand on my thigh and the other on my hip. I instantly grew nervous at how intimate this was.I shouldn’t have done this because, what if he is now expecting something and I’m too scared to do it?
I was frozen and couldn’t move to kiss him, and I couldn’t move away. I felt his arms around me, and he pulled me into a hug.
“I love hugging you,” he said in my ear. I wrapped my arms around him. I loved hugging him, too. I felt so safe with him, so why could I not move past this and kiss him in a moment like this? I buried my head in the curve where his neck meets his shoulder, breathing in the warm scent of his soap and the oil he used on his beard, and he wrapped his arms tighter around me.
Several silent minutes passed, with only the sounds of our breathing and his pulse in my ear.
“What’s on your mind?”
He knew me too well. I couldn’t lie to him, even if I wanted to.
“I don’t want to tell you because I’m afraid it will disappoint you.”
“Disappoint me? Rae, I think that would be impossible for you to do. Look at me.” I lifted my head so I could look at him, and he moved one of his hands to my cheek. “Tell me, please?”
I took a deep breath. “After you said you would do anything for me...and then when you started to get up because the lantern battery died, I saw how sweet you were being because you didn’t want me to be scared. I asked you to wait because I really wanted to kiss you, but then...”
He rubbed my cheek with his thumb, like he understood.
“But then I sat like this and it felt so...intimate. I got nervous because, what if you expected more and I got your hopes up?”
Caleb shook his head, his thumb tracing slow circles along my cheek. “Rae,” he said softly, “you never have to worry about disappointing me. You don’t owe me anything—not a kiss, not a single thing you’re not ready for.” He leaned in a little closer, his voice steady. “I don’t wantmore, I just wantyou—whatever that means.You being here, letting me hold you—that’s enough for me. Always will be.”
His words sank into me, quiet and sure, and something inside me eased. The tension in my chest that I hadn’t even realized I was holding started to fade with every slow brush of his thumb against my skin.
He didn’t look at me like I was fragile. He looked at me like I washis—not in a way that claimed me, but in a way that promised I was safe here. Safe with him.
My throat tightened. Caleb saw the real me. Before I could stop myself, I leaned in just a little closer. Our lips met with a lingering kiss that felt like a promise. My fingers curled into his shirt, and I pulled him with me as I lay against the pillows. We continued to kiss slowly until I couldn’t keep from smiling. Caleb smiled back at me before pulling me close, so I rested against his chest. I realized how tired I felt as I lay in his arms.
He started to pull the covers up when he stopped and started to sit up. “I almost forgot, we have to change the batteries in the big lantern and blow out the candles.”
“Caleb, wait. Did you change the batteries in the little lantern on my nightstand?”
“Yes, but that’s a rechargeable one, and thankfully I had recharged the battery and not had to use it yet. I don’t know how long it will last.”
“Just blow out the candles. Don’t get out of bed. Please.” I looked at him, realizing what I was asking for, but knowing I would be safe with him.
He looked at me, searching for any hesitation I may have, but he wasn’t going to find any.
I turned and blew out the candles on my nightstand before turning back to him. He kissed my forehead before turning to blow out the candles on his side.
Darkness surrounded us, but Caleb pulled me close.“You still okay? You can change your mind at any point.”
While I didn’t like the darkness, I didn’t need the light with him. “Better than okay,” I murmured while burying my face in his chest.
For the first time in a long time, I didn’t need the light to feel safe—and I fell asleep with that truth wrapped around me.
