Chapter 35
Caleb
Iheard the spare bedroomdoor click as she turned the knob. She walked into the hallway as I looked up from my book and smiled at her. “Hey, Sunshine.”
She was holding the blanket in front of her, shoulders sagging, one side of her mouth turned up in a strained smile. I could tell she was embarrassed and beating herself up.
“Come here.” I patted the couch with my hand. She sat on the cushion next to me but not touching me, her face turned down. I heard her stomach growl and knew she had to be hungry. I knew I was, but I wanted to wait for her. “Hungry?”
“So-so.” She shrugged.
I got up off the couch and went to the kitchen, pulling out plates and Tupperware.
I felt her eyes on me as I plated and reheated the food.
I poured a glass of sweet red wine for her and carried it and the food to her, setting it on the coffee table. When I was coming back with my food and wine, I saw her wipe a tear off her cheek.
I set my dinner down and sat next to her, facing her, only my leg touching hers.“Hey, what's wrong?”
She refused to look at me and her voice sounded gravelly when she spoke. “Why are you being so nice to me after—” She started to cry. Her entire body shook as tears fell, and my heart broke. I reached out a hand and touched her arm, gently moving my thumb along it. When she didn’t pull back, I pulled her into a hug, hoping she wouldn't pull away. She didn’t, so I gave her a gentle squeeze.
I tipped her chin so she was looking at me.“After you were brave? After you stood up for yourself and told me you needed a break? Rae, I'm not mad at you, or even disappointed. I'm proud of you. You told me what you needed.”
“But I know you won't hurt me. I know you're not him.” Her body shook as she tried to calm her breathing.
“Okay, but Sunshine, he hurt you—badly. No one should ever have to deal with anything you went through, or be kept from the world and people they love. I wouldn't be any better than him if I was mad at you.”
She started to say something but stopped, just leaned her head on my shoulder.
“What are you thinking?” I asked, rubbing her arm, knowing it was a motion she was comfortable with.
“I feel broken. I think I'm broken. I feel like I’m always crying, and...What if I can never—” Her voice trailed off.
“You're not broken. Far from it. You're strong and brave. When you first came back to town, you were flinching when I touched you—but look at you now. You went through something traumatic, but now you are letting me hold you. You slept next to me twice now, you’ve even kissed me. You are learning to trust again. You’re healing.”
“I trustyou.”
“I’m honored you do. I won’t ever do anything to betray that trust you have in me.” I paused, letting those words sink in before continuing.
“Also, if you can't, then that's okay. If you want to try again, at your pace, then that's okay, too. No matter what, I'm not going anywhere.” I wanted to say more, to tell her I loved her, but I didn’t want her to feel obligated to say it back, or to think I was just saying it to make her feel better.
“Wait, what?” She blinked as if she heard me wrong.
I pulled her legs over mine, and when she didn’t move away, I pulled her even closer in a gentle but firm hug.
“I'm not going anywhere, even if you decide you're never ready. You're strong and you will come back from this, but if you still decide you only want to go so far, I'll still be right here. Yours. If you want me to be.”
Her eyes filled with tears and she nodded quickly, then buried her face in my chest as I hugged her. She clung to my shirt as if she was scared to let go.
I've loved you since high school, Rae, and I'm sorry I never said anything to you back then. But now I will do everything in my power to keep you safe and let you know how special you are.
