‘Right. Well, I understand that. I “just did” want to be a mum, too. It’s not all sweetness and light though. It’s hard work. There are days when you would do anything to have a lie-in, an uninterrupted night’s sleep, or only yourself to worry about. Becoming a parent is like doubling your anxiety overnight.’
‘Or trebling in your case.’
‘Only a maniac would have two in one go,’ she laughs. ‘The minute the girls arrived I realised that there were these two little lives that were completely reliant on me. As a parent everything you do, every decision you make, will have an impact on them too.’
‘Bloody hell.’
‘It can feel overwhelming at times. But it’s also the best thing in the world. Watching your child light up just because you put the tap on, or they saw a bubble, or someone made a funny noise. You see the world through their brand new eyes and honestly, it’s a joy. Dinosaurs or unicorns?’
‘Huh?’
‘For their cakes?’ She says, pointing at the celebration cakes.
‘One of each?’
‘Good call. Don’t tell Nonna I cheated with shop-bought cakes?’
‘My lips are sealed. So you’re saying that parenting is the best and worst job, all rolled into one?’
‘Spot on,’ she agrees as we move on to the booze section. I assume from the amount of prosecco she loads into the trolley that there will be a lot of thirsty parents at Fran and Sienna’s birthday party. ‘I think it’s important that you and Alice are talking about this stuff now, Zach. You want to be able to be open and honest with each other about what you’d like out of life now, before you both get hurt.’
‘It’s the unknown that makes me nervous.’
‘You do like a plan,’ Ellie grins.
‘Neither of us is dead set on having kids or not having kids, or at least that’s the impression I get from Alice. I think she’s spent so long thinking that even a relationship wasn’t for her that suddenly being with me and having these discussions is a lot to handle. She’s never considered starting a family before. But also, I completely respect her decision and I don’t want to be the one to make her question things. So should I question myself instead?’
‘I don’t think so. In my opinion, if one of you felt completely one way or the other then you should probably get out of the relationship now, even though it would be incredibly painful to do so because it’s obvious how much you love each other. But as it stands, there’s room for manoeuvre in your future. I believe that you and Alice can carve out a path that you’re both happy with.’
‘Honestly?’
‘You’re both kind, considerate people and you have a mutual respect for each other. I really think you’ll find a way. Now how about you stop procrastinating and hand me that box of Italian red wine up there?’
‘More booze?’ I balk.
Ellie looks at me. ‘All children’s parties are basically just an excuse for parents to get pissed while their kids run riot in somebody else’s house. I need as much as we can fit in the boot.’
Talking to Ellie always helps me to feel more at ease with the way things are going and a couple of days later I’m ready, if a little nervous, for my next date with Alice. I’ve been running through the day, thinking over every last detail and wondering what she’ll say at the end of it all. If it’s even a good idea at all given what happened on our last date. But my gut’s telling me to go for it.
I knock on her door and Natalie opens it.
‘Hello Mr Mystery. I’ve just spoken to Alice and she’s not due back for another hour or so.’
‘Thank you for checking,’ I reply gratefully. ‘I need a bit of time to set up.’
‘So, whatareyou up to?’
‘It’s a surprise for Alice.’
‘Do you want me out of the way?’
‘I could actually do with some help if you don’t mind? I brought coffees with me.’
‘Consider me bribed,’ she laughs. ‘Honestly Zach, you didn’t need to.’
‘I just wanted to say thanks. You really helped me out with that trip to France for Alice’s birthday.’
Natalie takes her coffee and we head inside. ‘It was nothing. Alice was there for me when I split up with Jake and I love her to the moon and back. I can see that you do too, so basically, you’re in my good books.’
