‘I didn’t mean that to sound like a character assassination. Sorry. I’m just … You’re always so positive. So perky. I can’t match that today.’
‘I never asked you to match that,’ she counters, ruffled. ‘Everything was fine this morning. Has something happened?’
‘Uh … no.’
‘No? That’s it? I just get grunts of one-word answers now?’ She’s folded her arms now, looking hurt and confused. I know I should be back-peddling but Clara’s news is painful and I’m lashing out at the person who least deserves it. Worse, the picture has reminded me that I need to be completely upfront with Alice and when I do that, she’ll run a mile.
I take a deep breath.
‘I’m really sorry Alice. You’re right, something has happened but I don’t really want to talk about it right now. Let’s just enjoy our evening.’
Alice nods sympathetically and I feel like an absolute dick. So much for “happy” hour.
‘Whatever has happened, I’m here to help when you feel ready. It sounds like you need some time to process things and honestly, Zach, I wouldn’t have minded if you’d cancelled tonight. I’m pretty easy-going, you know?’ She gives a little laugh and I smile back at her, frustrated with myself for messing this up. ‘Listen, why don’t we call it a night? We can catch up properly when you’ve had some time.’
She’s right. Better to call it quits before I act like even more of a fool and completely put Alice off me.
‘Okay,’ I say, frustrated with myself. ‘Sorry again.’
‘You don’t need to apologise. I’ll see you soon, if you want to.’ Softly, she kisses me on the cheek and leaves.
You still in your office? I’m in a bar just round the corner and I’ve royally fucked up.
I finish at 6 tonight so can be with you in ten mins x
Nine minutes later and Ellie bursts through the doors.
‘Please tell me you didn’t you drink all of those yourself?’ She demands, eyeing up the empties.
‘I got here at five for happy hour and in fairness, Alice had one,’ I say.
‘Is she here?’ Ellie looks around excitedly.
‘She left, that’s my problem.’
‘It’s not over is it?’ she asks, grabbing my hand.
‘No, she’s just giving me some space.’ I explain about Clara’s news and the fact that my mood just ruined a date with Alice.
‘Oh Zach,’ Ellie says, pushing a glass of water towards me. ‘Don’t be too hard on yourself. That is a lot to take on board.’
‘I feel like such an idiot. You know I had no idea that Clara was in a relationship when I met her. And then I found out there was this “ex” on the scene and she swore she’d broken it off with him. So how come just months after we break up, she’s getting engaged to him?’ I shake my head.
‘She straight up lied to you, Zach. You don’t deserve to be treated like that.’
‘I’m really annoyed with myself, Ellie.’
‘It wasn’t your fault!’
‘But I let it affect my time with Alice. Turns out she’s now doing their wedding flowers and she’s all excited because Clara’s such a high-profile client. For a second I thought about telling Alice that I knew Clara but it just felt weird. And then I couldn’t even muster any enthusiasm and probably seemed so rude and standoffish when she was telling me about work, which is so important to her. It’s all a big fucking mess and now she’s gone.’
‘That is awkward,’ Ellie says sympathetically. ‘But it’s not beyond repair, right? It’s possible you’re being a tiny bit overdramatic, just like your brother. Maybe it is time you told her about Clara? I think it would help to give you peace of mind. And you can always make up for tonight by cooking Nonna’s zucchini pasta for her another time.’
In spite of myself, the reference fills me with comfort. Raff and I insisted on zucchini pasta as often as possible during those brilliant summers at Nonna’s. It’s a family recipe that has been passed down through the generations and is still a firm favourite. Raff and Ellie handed out hot plates of it for their wedding breakfast, explaining to all the British guests that zucchini is Italian for courgette.
‘I’d murder for a bowl of that right now,’ I say with a half-smile.
‘There we go! You’re feeling better already. Zach?’
