Chapter Thirty-Five
Dahes
MAGNOLIA
Ifelt him before I heard him. Dahes was at the sinking islands again. My mind tore open before pressure consumed every thought, and I knew the moment it didn’t belong to me. Pain seared through my skull like thousands of knives cutting through my bone.
“Did you miss me?”he purred inside my head.
No. No. No. It was too soon… It would always be too soon. I wasn’t ready for this to end.
I tried to steady my breathing, to will all my thoughts into neutrality. This past week was an idyllic reprieve. I hadn’t realized how much I missed having my emotions back, how much of my soul I lost, forcing myself to become an emotionless ghost just so Dahes couldn’t use my thoughts against me.
And last night?—
I swallowed, forcing it out of my mind.
Numb. Emotionless. Don’t think.
“Time is up, little ghost.”
Where am I meeting you?I asked into my mind. I was still wrapped in Hael’s arm. My head was against his chest, listening to his breaths slowly rise and fall, before Dahes took over.
Last night, he admitted he barely slept anymore. That everything King Elion made him do since becoming their leader haunted him as soon as he closed his eyes.
He told me some stories, only small horrific glimpses where I knew he left out too many details.
I wanted to open up too. I wanted to tell him that I understood exactly how he felt. That I’d never related to anything more. That everything he said was exactly how I felt under Dahes.
But I swallowed it all down and now it was too late.
After I came on his tongue—twice—we talked for hours on his bed. We spent the night curled under the covers, talking until his eyes shut and his breaths slowed. I wanted to savor it.
I listened to his breathing shift, curled into his side, relishing the warmth, knowing I’d be freezing again soon. I knew this was coming, knew I was on borrowed time, knew Dahes was going to collect me.
I just hoped I had more of it.
I focused on the pain pounding inside my mind, narrowing in on it to zone everything else out, as I gently pried myself out of Hael’s arms. I was too far away from the original meeting spot. Hael had taken me to the Grigg, and walking by foot to the end of Soffikane would take too long.
“Step outside. Wherever you are, I’ll find you,”Dahes said, as I let my thoughts drift to the distance between the two Provinces, so Dahes would know I couldn’t meet the thatcher at the southern tip of Viven anymore.
I spent the week wearing Hael’s shirts. The first night I was here, I found a bunch in a cabinet by the bed, and he never questioned me on it, so I kept wearing them. But today, I pulled out the black dress I stole from Viven. I didn’t want to. I wanted to grab another shirt. But I couldn’t let Dahes see…
I sucked in a breath, turning back to Hael one last time.
He looked so peaceful sleeping. His dark hair was covering his face. The blanket we shared had fallen over his hips. The necklace he wore resting against his ribs, hiding a large part of the pendant from view. My eyes trailed over his arms next, to his right forearm where theworddrakinwas burned into his flesh. I hadn’t seen it on him until last night. Even when he was tortured in the throne room, his hands were chained, forcing him to suspend his arms above his head, blocking the word from view. The rest of the time, he always wore long sleeves, covering the burn, but now it was on full display. I wanted to trace the letters, wanted to run back to bed and curl into his side…
“Goodbye,” I whispered.
Then, I snuck out the door, bracing myself for my cruel reality. Daylight was rising. I could see the tops of the two suns starting to show across the horizon. I walked along the coast of the beach before I broke free of Hael’s shield. I glanced back, gasping when the cabin was no longer in view. Then, I opened my thoughts to my location, letting Dahes know where to send the thatcher.
Each step I took felt too heavy.
It was somehow worse than crossing the Black Sands, worse than the heat burning my toes, worse than the miles of sinking dunes.
I didn’t want to leave.
Guilt wrecked me, threatening to swallow me whole, because if there was a way, I might have been tempted to take it. Butheimmediately came to my mind.
