I shouldn’t have been such a coward. I shouldn’t have been so ignorant.
I should have been more careful when he created our deal. I should have paid attention to his wording. I should have known that when hesaid I had to obey him, it would mean I’d never be able to sneak off and find my little brother like my fifteen year old self had thought.
I should have learned to control my Token instead of cowering over the night he tried to rape me.
If I had, maybe it wouldn’t have been too late for Masin. Maybe I would have learned that Dahes not only couldn’t touch me, but couldn’tcontrolme in that form.
I could have escaped. I could have found him.
I should have done a lot of things.
I knew Hael was behind me. He wouldn’t leave my side, not unless I asked him to, but he also knew I needed to do this on my own.
We walked toward the river together in the underbelly of the castle, and the entire place had never felt so empty. After Dahes died, so many of the ghosts floated toward the Examinis and jumped in.
It was glowing now. It always had an iridescent sheen to it in the streets, but the frothy film cresting over the surface blocked most of the beauty. Now, it was slowly moving, allowing the purple and blue hues to fully shine underneath the water like the rage of Dahes’ rule had died with the currents.
I sucked in a breath.
Breathe. One. Two. Three. Four. Exhale.
Then I called my Token. It still took me by surprise at how fast I could make it come and go. It was like stepping through a doorway. I could be on either side with one single step, depending on what foot I chose to move.
I didn’t know how I felt about my power being death, that I could walk the thin line between the living and the dead.
I think it terrified me more than gave me comfort, but right now, it was another thing Nessium knew I’d need, and I was so unbelievably thankful. Maybe the future really was set, maybe she knew my little brother was going to die, that I’d need this power to see him again.
I had a lot of time to think about it, to fully explore what came with my Token and what I could do.
But tonight was about Masin, about the past seven years of my life, and about what little had been left of his.
Before I could second guess myself, I jumped into the river. The water was hot. Not enough to burn my skin, but enough to feel like I was surrounded by glowing blue flames.
Honestly, I was surprised I was feeling anything at all. I usually didn’t in this form, but this place was made for ghosts. It was crafted especially for this so it made sense that I felt…something.
I didn’t have to breathe.
I realized when I was using my Token before I mimicked the movements of breaths, but I never paid attention to the fact that I didn’t need to. I was always so worried about my power flickering out, that I’d lose my control, that I never focused on how it actually made me feel—which was nothing.
Except for now…
I swam down and down and down, the water becoming more iridescent the further I went.
The river under the castle was endless. Not only was it the largest opening, but it was the deepest. It was the spot all the currents flowed to. The purest, undiluted entrance to the After.
If I turned around and looked up, I knew I’d glimpse Hael leaning over the edge, waiting for me, but looking down, it was nothing but depthless purple and blue. There wasn’t a bottom.
“Masin,” I spoke his name like a whisper. In this form, the water didn’t enter my lungs and drown me. It was just there, like air was on the surface. You didn’t notice it, didn’t feel it, but it consumed you, still filled every crack of your essence, engulfing you without you even realizing.
My breathing hitched as Masin—my little brother—was instantly in front of me.
It was him, yet it wasn’t. He was older than the last time I saw him alive, his features more mature. I hated it, hated how this was what he’d be like forever. He wouldn’t change anymore, wouldn’t grow, wouldn’t become who he was meant to be.
“Magnolia,” his voice was husky, an octave lower than I remembered.
I didn’t have time to respond before he came crashing into me. Wedidn’t pass through each other. It was like both of our transparent forms equaled out, and I thanked Nessium for this gift… that I got to hug him one more time.
I wasn’t sure how long we stayed like that, how long we held each other, how long before I finally got the courage to pull back enough to see his face.
