“No.” I repositioned my arms across my chest. “But I can assume.”
“It doesn’t stop, Nollie. It just gets worse. People have died from it if they don’t—” he stopped, and I hated that he wouldn’t say it. “If you don’t do anything, it drives you insane until it runs out of your system. Ifyoudidn’t… IfIdidn’t do…Fuck.” He cursed, turning away from me and started pacing my room. He ran his fingers through his hair. “I’m so fucking sorry. I didn’t mean to take advantage of you.”
“Take advantage?” I gasped. “You barely touched me.” I tried not to cringe about how whatever he did was only because I practically begged him for it. He acted like I was the poison and not our drinks, like he was physically pained every time he got too close.
I should be the one apologizing to him.
I exhaled, trying to calm my breathing. “If you didn’t want to, you could have just left. I didn’t mean to force you.”
“That’s what you think?” He cut me off. “That I didn’t want to do that? Because I fucking did.” He stopped pacing now. “Do you know how fucking hard that was to stand there and watch you touch yourself and not be able to do it myself? I wanted to fucking ravage you, Nollie. I wanted to fuck you so hard that you couldn’t walk afterward. Hell, I wanted to make it so that you couldn’t evenstand.And I didn’t want to stop there. I wanted everything. I wanted to fuck your mouth. To take you in every fucking position. I wanted to come everywhere, then I wanted to come again just so you could swallow it…” He paused. Took a step toward me. Then another. “I wanted you, Nollie. I spent two fucking days wanting you.”
My mouth parted. “You didn’t… you didn’t go somewhere else afterward?” I had already asked him the same question, and I knew I shouldn’t bring it up again, but I couldn’t help it.
He let out a laugh. Just one single sound before he was silent again. “No.”
I tried not to show how elated that made me. It was messed up. I was happy he didn’t go off and sleep with someone else, but it meant he had been in agony. The little bit of pain I felt was only minutes and I wanted to crumble from it.
“I want to know everything about Ahthimil,” I said.
He exhaled, his voice softening. “What do you want to know?”
“What is it, exactly?”
“It’s a tasteless and colorless aphrodisiac.”
I nodded, having already guessed that.
“How long does it take until it’s out of your system?”
He didn’t answer right away. “Once you give into the drug, the side effects lessen almost immediately, then fully subside after a few hours.”
I shook my head. “No. How long if you didn’t give in?”
A muscle quivered in his jaw. “A day or two, sometimes three depending on the dose.”
My mouth parted. That would mean he only just got over it before coming here.
“And it feels like you’re burning if you don’t…” I couldn’t get myself to finish the sentence. I could barely think it in my head. Embarrassment clung to me, and I knew my cheeks were bright red.
“That’s how it starts.”
How it starts.How much worse did it get for him?
“Are there any side effects afterward?”
“Headaches and muscle cramps are common, but they usually go away within twenty hours of consumption. Everything should be out of your system by now.”
I nodded, my head had been killing me ever since I woke up yesterday, but I knew the lack of sleep wasn’t helping.
“What aboutlong termside effects?” I asked.
He shook his head. “There aren’t any.”
I didn’t believe him. I’d been craving him ever since that night. It was what was messing with me the most. I should be mortified—well, I was—but I still wanted more. I wanted him to do everything he just said but not under the influence of some drug, and I had no idea where that left me.
“Why didn’t you have sex with anyone else?”
“It wouldn’t have mattered.”
