The fury boiled over. “What the actual fuck? What the fuck isthatshit? Are you kidding me? Keep the numbers even? That’s absolute fuckingdogshit, man. I don’t even know what the fuck to do with that right now.”
The car’s AC must’ve crapped out since I started to sweat. I’d never been so angry, hurt, or upset on someone else’s behalf.
As my energy amped up, his went down. “I know. It’s shitty.”
“You’re his fucking brother, man. What the genuinefuck?”
“Finn, keep your eyes on the road, please.”
“That’s it. I’m fucking done. I’m out of the wedding. He’s not gonna treat MY boyfriend like shit. Fuck that.”
“No, don’t say that. Don’t ruin his wedding. It is what it is. If anything, it saves me three hundred dollars.” He chuckled. “I’ll look way better in one of my own suits than the shitty rental, anyway.”
“No, fuck that.” I activated my car’s voice assistant. “Call Miles.”
As soon as the call screen popped up, Ryder ended it. “It’s shitty, but it is what it is, Finn. It’s his wedding. I asked him if that’s what he wanted, and he said yes. That’s all I need to know.”
“No, Ry. I’m not gonna—”
“Finn. Stop.” His voice went down while his volume went up. “No one is gonna change his mind. It’s not a big deal. Drop it.”
When I glanced at him, there was something I couldn’t name in his eyes. I didn’t like it, but I shut up. Maybe I needed to give him some time to cool off. We could always talk more later. After I called Miles and chewed him a gaping new one. I wouldn’t pull out, not yet, but that motherfucker would know how I felt about it.
We drove in silence for a few minutes. As we approached the light where I’d have to turn to get to the rental place, I said, “Do you wanna go home, or get lunch or something?”
“What? No way!” Ryder’s mood had shifted. “We need to make sure you look fire in your best man suit.” He took my hand. “Also, I need to see if I can get that refund.”
It was unnerving. I squeezed his hand and looked at him. “Are you sure?”
“Positive.”
I put on my blinker and said, “Okay.”
???
There was no refund. The guy kind of laughed at the suggestion. I think he said something like, “The event’s a week away. There’s nothing we can do. Sorry.”
Ryder took it in stride. A little too well. In fact, his happy-for-me attitude freaked me out. I thought he’d feel a kind of way, but it was the opposite. I didn’t need to try my suit on, just grab it and go, but I did after he asked. He gushed, no other way to say it. I think in another context it might have turned me on, him too, but that wasn’t what was happening.
I suggested we go home once we were done. We needed to talk because I couldn’t understand why he acted that way.He wanted to go to lunch instead, which is how we ended up at a local burger place. I’d been there before, and after an initial spike of “oh shit, what if someone sees us,” I was chill.
The place, a railcar-style diner called Roddy’s Burger Stop, had been in business since the forties or some shit. Bright red and white booths, chrome everywhere, and the permanent aroma of sizzling meat and onions. Their handmade patties blew everything else out of the water. But I wasn’t in the mood for food.
Once the anger burned away, and I was left with Ry’s fake-looking smile, it just made my stomach flip. How could he be so cool about it? I don’t have siblings, but fuck it, Miles was basically my brother. Had he done that shit to me, it would’ve come to blows. And if that’s how he treated Ryder, how would he treat me if it came down to it?
Were all those years, all those secrets, inside jokes, times of hard shit, and simple fun just worthless? If Miles could kick Ryder to the fucking curb cause his girlfriend’s Insta pics would look better with even numbers, what would happen if I did something that she, or he, or they didn’t like? My friendship with Miles was always the most secure part of my life, his family too, for that matter. Like ride or die, backs against the wall type of shit, but fuck man. What if it all meant nothing?
Ryder bit his burger and made a silly face to say how good it was. I couldn’t even pick mine up. What the fuck was with him? Why was he so happy? I’d be so, so, so pissed. Iwasso pissed, and it didn’t even happen to me.
Maybe it was a mistake to take him to the suit place. He had wanted to go, but still. Maybe that was one of those times where I needed to think a little harder or deeper. That couldn’t have felt good for him. Fuck. Shit… I should’ve been the one to say I didn’t want to go. Made something up or said I felt sick or something.Damnit. The first time he needed materialsupport from me, I fell on my face. Not a great start to being his boyfriend, huh?
Maybe I wasn’t cut out for it. Maybe I shouldn’t be anyone’s boyfriend because I was too stupid or thick-headed to think about anyone else’s needs or wants or—
“Hey.” Ryder placed his hand on mine.
My face heated, and my eyes widened. I looked at his hand, then his face.
He said, “You okay? You look like you’re freaking out.”
