“I’ve given up dancing and Ethan,” I mumbled as I watched the water trickle through my fingers.
“I’m sorry, what? Why?”
I inhaled slowly and then held my breath for a moment. Then I exhaled. I needed to remind myself why leaving everything I loved behind made sense. That this was what I wanted—noneeded.
I glanced over my shoulder and shot Olivia aplease letthis golook. “It’s the right thing to do.” I pulled my hands from the water and shook the excess from my skin.
Olivia’s expression didn’t shift to one of understanding. Instead, the crease between her eyebrows deepened and she glared at me.Glaredat me.
“You are ridiculous,” she said as she folded her arms and met my gaze head on.
I parted my lips as I stared at her. “I’m sorry, what?”
She motioned to my body. “You are one of the most talented dancers in the entire school. You have so much potential in your one pirouette than I do in my entire body. You’re beautiful and an incredibly handsome guy wants you.” She sighed as she shoved her hands into the front pockets of her jeans. “I’ve seen the way he looks at you. He loves you. He adores you. And he wants you, just the way you are.”
I parted my lips but I couldn’t seem to find the words to speak. And then, reality hit me and tears sprung up again. I knew all of these things. I did. But they weren’t the reasons I was walking away.
“The school is in trouble, Livi,” I said as I turned. I hated that I was spilling this to her when it was Mom’s secret, but I was tired of holding it inside.
“What?”
“The school. It’s in trouble. If the scout doesn’t pick someone from here, then the donors will leave and then this”—I waved my handsaround the bathroom—“will be over.”
I rested my hands on the sink in front of me and tipped my face down. I swallowed as my final words rang in the air.
When Olivia didn’t say anything, I glanced over at her to see her frustration etched on her face. She was still mad at me? Why?
“That is the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard. You dumped Ethan and quit dance because you’re trying to save the school?” She growled as she threw her hands up in the air. “You’re not a savior, Collette. If this school is doomed to close, it has nothing to do with you. Quitting everything you love isn’t going to save your mom or the students here.” She stepped forward as she held my gaze. “It will only make you unhappy and full of regret.”
I studied her as I let her words sink in. She was right. I knew she was right. My auditioning wouldn’t hurt Bianca or Eve’s chances of being picked. I wouldn’t help save the school but my auditioning wouldn’t hurt it either.
But it would save me from seeing my mother’s embarrassment. It would spare me the pain of her disgust when she watched me dance.
I sucked in a deep breath as the truth of it landed like a punch in the gut.
Olivia was right. I was no savior…I was just scared. Scared of being rejected again and terrified of making a fool of myself.
And Ethan? Who did I think Iwould help by hurting the guy who’d done nothing but support me and my dreams?
Walking away from Ethan certainly wouldn’t save the school. I shut my eyes tightly against the image of his pain as I’d told him no. As I’d turned away from him and his offer.
My gut churned as an ugly truth I didn’t want to face started to surface. Walking away from Ethan had been hard, but it had been easier than facing his rejection. And deep down that was what I knew would come of being with him. One day he’d wake up and realize that I wasn’t amazing. He’d finally lose those rose-colored glasses and see me as I really was, flaws and all. And when he did…would he still want me?
Olivia pulled me into a hug and then stepped back. “I know you, Collette. I know why you’re pulling away. You’re worried that who you are isn’t good enough.” She smiled at me and shrugged. “But youare. Everyone sees it but you.”
I met her gaze and let myself hear her words. For the first time I forced myself to consider that maybe she wasn’t just being nice because I was her friend. In fact, the more I thought about it, the more I realized that Olivia was never nice just to be nice, not even to me.
Olivia was honest. Brutally honest, in fact.
She placed her hands on my shoulders like she was my coach preparing to lay into me with some hard truths. “It’stime you stop running away from what you want, Collette. It’s time to start chasing your dreams.”
I took a deep breath because what she was saying? It was terrifying. It was so frightening…because it was true.
“I don’t know how to do that,” I said.
Her eyes grew warm with sympathy. “Maybe you could start by trusting me when I tell you that you’re more than enough—for Juilliard, for this school…for Ethan.”
My heart did a weird little backflip at the mention of Ethan.
