Ares and Apollo offer sympathetic nods. They get it.
“But lately, it just hasn’t felt the same. Since I found out I lost my memories, almost lost my family.” I can’t bear to look at Victoria right now, her cheeks glisten in my periphery, and I need to hold it together to finish this discussion with my friends and teammates. “I just couldn’t see a way out.”
“That’s when you talk to us, it’s what we’re here for.” Dad’s voice is thick with emotion.
“Or us. We’ve got you, too.” Ares’s voice is firm and emphatic.
“And if you want to do any of those things Tori just listed for you, you come to us, okay? If there’s one thing my siblings and I have in common is that we like to spend our inheritance on worthy causes and people we can trust not to piss it away.” He winces. “Sorry, Mrs. Shaw.”
Mom giggles. “It’s okay, Apollo. I’ve heard worse.”
My teammates stand up and pat my legs like a weird choreographed dance move. “We’ll talk more later, okay? But for now, no more worrying, rest and recovery. We’ll figure it all out,together.” Apollo’s words hit heavily as he and Ares leave the room.
Mom looks like I’ve killed her puppy, Victoria’s sobbing again, and my head hurts like fuck.
“We’ve always taught you to come to us with anything, Raffi.” Dad’s just as crushed as Mom looks. “There’s always a way to fix things, there’s always a choice, you’re never trapped.”
Nodding, tears trickle down the sides of my nose. “I just didn’t want to have to be a college drop out when the whole family’s so proud that I’m the first one to go. I didn’t want to leave hockey when everyone was so excited to have a superstar in the family.”
“Oh, Raphael, you silly boy.” Mom leans forward and cups my face. “We still have a superstar in the family. No matter what you do, no matter what you’ve done or will do, you always make us proud, always will. You’re never a disappointment to us.”
The weight of responsibility lifting from my shoulders is tangible. Hearing my parents say they’ll love me no matter what I do is a balm to my insecurities, and part of me can’t help but feel like an idiot for not talking about it all sooner.
But it’s out there now, and the next step is to figure out which way my path should go.
CHAPTER 39
Victoria
Raffi’s home.
He’s under doctor’s orders to rest, which I’m enforcing, but he’s not thrilled about it. The de la Peña’s have put a TV in his room. From my vantage point in the doorway, my boyfriend, my son, a grumpy black cat and a rather adorable potbellied pig are all snuggled up together in Raffi’s bed watching Octonauts.
Apollo and Scott are on a beanbag in the corner, Ares is lying lengthways across the foot of the bed, Jackson and Artemis are sharing the loveseat on the other side of the bed, and Tate is on the floor with a pillow crammed behind his back against the wall.
Why they didn’t just take up residence in the living room and crowd around the bigger TV is anybody’s guess. But there’s something wholesome and ovary-exploding about a bunch of grown athletes snuggling with their pet pig and my kid to watch cartoons.
Snacks and drinks are strewn around the room. Raffi and Wyatt are sharing the biggest bowl of popcorn I’ve ever seen. And at least three of the team are drinking beer.
It’s the weirdest situation I can recall. But it’s also the sweetest. The guys have rallied around Raffi, he told them he’s not going to be playing hockey anymore, and while they were sad, there was also an air of relief around the team. Deep down, they all wanted him to step down to protect him.
Despite the grief of losing a member of their extended hockey family hanging heavily in the air, Ares is more relaxed than I’ve seen him lately. Raffi swears he’ll pay the brothers back for their kindness, but they won’t hear of it. They just want him happy and safe. It’s breathed some relief into my veins that he woke up this morning firm about giving up college hockey. For a moment, I’d feared he’d get out of the hospital, away from the doctors, and decide to go back.
Something’s shifted in him. It’s like the guilt, or responsibility has been lifted from his shoulders, and he’s able to see clearer.
His parents came over this morning. Ani baked enough food for the whole team. It’s as though Raffi’s guilt has moved to his mom. Her excitement over him doing something more,beingsomething more blinded her to the fact he was keeping secrets from her. Now that she knows the truth, she feels like crap.
Mom’s coming to pick Wyatt up in a couple hours, then I get to snuggle my man, listen to his heartbeat, and let him kiss away my tears of relief that he isn’t dead.
He’s not allowed to do anything physical for a couple weeks. He insists that doesn’t include sex, but I’m not willing to take any chances, at least not yet.
“Wanna watch something downstairs?” Eloise’s small voice interrupts my staring. She’s the best best friend I could have hoped for, and she has no idea just how amazing she is.
“I absolutely do.” Keeping my voice down, I leave Raffi’s room and head down to the living room with my bestie. “What you want towatch?”
We pick an old episode of Brooklyn 99 as the episodes are short, funny, and we can chit chat if we feel like it.
“He seems to have made his decision.” Eloise’s voice is quiet. “Did you give him an ultimatum?”
