“Not really,” Ville said with a kiss to my temple. “But I trust you when you say it was a feat.”
I knew he would. But here came the hard part. “I’ve been away from my family for ten years, between college, med school, and residency. I’ve only been back a year. As much as I love thefantasy of following you and Wren, this is where I’m supposed to be.”
Ville made a noise I couldn’t interpret. Maybe if I was looking at him, I’d be able to figure it out. But I wasn’t ready to look at him. I couldn’t trust my own resolve if I did. I’d cave to whatever he wanted, simply because I didn’t want this to end.
“I know,” he murmured. Then it was his turn to sigh. “So what do we do?”
“What do you want to do?” It might have been the coward's way out. I should have just said what I wanted. But if Ville didn’t want the same thing…. I wasn’t ready to take that last step unless I knew he was on the same page. Ithoughthe was, but I’d been known to project my own emotions onto people before and this was definitely not the time for ambiguity.
Ville grumbled, “I asked first.”
The tone, the hint of playfulness, made me snicker. I started tracing random patterns on his hands and arms. “The way I see it, we have two options. We say goodbye, maybe revisit this when our lives look different…if they ever do.”
“Or?”
“We do the long-distance thing.” My heart started to pound and my skin twitched. Ville held me harder, and that helped. We sat there in silence for a long few minutes. I broke first. “What are you thinking?”
It took him another moment or two before he spoke. “It’s unfair of me to ask you to wait, to only see me a few times a year, when I have no idea how long it would go on.”
My heart sank. This was it then. When he left on Sunday, we’d be over. He’d go on with his life, keeping Wren safe, putting himself in the line of danger because Wren Paxton was the biggest country star to ever make music. I’d be here, treating patients, trying to mend my own broken heart. And while Iexpected it, had been dreading it since I first laid eyes on him again, it didn’t mean it didn’t hurt.
“But I’m going to.”
I jerked and twisted, needing to see him. Ville’s gaze was fixed on the far wall, his mouth set in a firm line. What had he just said? What did that mean?
“If you want, that is. If you’re willing.” Ville took a deliberate breath, letting it out slowly, and finally looked at me. His eyes were soft, and as I watched, a smile spread on his lips. “You need to be here and I need to be there, with him. But long distance, as much as it would suck, we could do it. If you want.”
He was hedging his bets, which I totally understood. But it was unnecessary. I broke his hold—thank you Bodhi for teaching us all to fight when we were little—and scrambled over him until I could straddle his lap. “Fuck yes.”
Ville clutched me to him and I held on just as hard. For long minutes, we just held each other and breathed, taking the time to let that all sink in.
“It won’t be easy,” he warned, fingers digging into my hips. He always handled me like he wanted to leave marks, as though that would prove I was his. It was why I loved the bruises so much. I needed that proof just as much as he did.
“It won’t,” I agreed, pulling back just enough so I could see his eyes. We were practically nose to nose, but I couldn’t bear to be any farther away. “But we can call and text, have virtual dates, and see each other as often as possible.”
“Yes. To all of that.”
I kissed him, but kept it short. “I didn’t want to say goodbye to you. I can’t imagine…” I had to take a breath, emotion welling up and trying to get the better of me. I couldn’t allow that yet. I had things to say. “You belong in my life Ville Aalto. And as much work as a long-distance relationship is, it’ll be worth it. I love you.”
I hadn’t meant to say the last part. It just slipped out. I’d known for a while that my heart was fully invested, but I hadn’t allowed myself to let that feeling hit my brain. I thought it would make things worse. But of course, I would have hurt just as hard.
“I love you too.” Ville’s expression was all wide eyes and smile. Then he repeated it, relief in his tone. “I love you.”
Before I could say anything else, he kissed me. A hard, possessive, claiming kind of kiss that had me panting for breath and hard enough to pound nails. Then I was under him, flat on my back and being pressed into the mattress. Ville set about taking me apart until the only thing I could do was yell his name as I came.
I wasn’t hiding. It was just convenient that the rocking camp chair happened to be off to the side, by the porch and the drinks cooler. Nice and out of the way. And hell if I didn’t need to decompress after the day I’d had. As glad as I was to be part of this big, family-packed celebration, it was even better to be on the sidelines.
Plus there was a citronella torch close by, which meant the majority of the bugs steered clear. I had the misfortune of being a mosquito’s favorite snack.
As dusk crept into twilight, the sun sinking further and the sky turning from orange to purple, I was glad for the fire Dad was building. Soon I’d have to move closer as the temperature dropped. Once the sun disappeared behind the Rockies, I wouldn’t be surprised if it dipped into the sixties.
We didn’t do fireworks. Not only were they dangerous as hell, but we had too many animals that could spook and get hurt.Most of the horses were pretty dang bomb proof, but not all of them. But we did light sparklers when the birthday cake came out.
I felt more than heard someone approach—there was too much going on and my family got loud—and when I turned my head, I saw Wren heading for the beer cooler. He gave me his superstar smile, the one I knew he didn’t have to fake because he’d had it since we were little, and a head tip.
“Hey,” I said warmly. “Happy birthday! I didn’t get to say it earlier.”
“Thanks.” He gestured toward the cooler. “Want one?”
