“Because I never knew what you had to deal with. Knowing what I know about Lennon…I’d kill anyone who caused her pain.I know I would. The hesitation would be nil. But you just did your job. Day in and day out. Every day. Trying not to mess up. Trying to do the right thing. It probably never felt like enough.”
He shook his head. “It never did, no. Because you could always do more.”
My mother decided this was her time to add, “It was that call that changed something inside of your father. Always doing more, burning himself at both ends to make sure everything was done…perfectly.”
Before the air could collapse us all, Wyatt chimed in.
“Too soon to ask if she’s hot?”
Mila’s eyes grew wide. “Like, is there one sane person in this family? What is wrong with you, Wyatt?”
And then…laughter erupted in the room.
Was it dark? Probably. Was it too soon to crack jokes? Most definitely. But it was what we required in order to heal together.
And that’s what it felt like, it felt like we were healing.
Mila rested her chin in her palms. “Tell me about her. I don’t want to hear the sad stuff or the program bullshit. I just want to know about her. As a person.”
I smiled, unable to contain it.
“She is a pistol. Ready to fire at any fucking second.”
“Language.” Mom sighed.
“She is challenging, and mostly angry. And mean to me sometimes, but she’s soft when she lets you inside. And she has this ‘I don’t give a shit’ attitude that really works for her, because she really doesn’t give a shit about anyone’s approval. Lennon is basically everything I’m not.”
Mila sighed, happy to indulge on the romantic side of things. “So when do we get to meet her?”
I nearly choked on my water. “I don’t know if that’s a good idea.”
“Why not?” Mom and Mila asked in unison.
“Because we’re already overbearing. Not to mention, Mom, you have seen her entire file. Dad, you were the last person with her dad before he died. And Wyatt, you attempted to off yourself, and I don’t need you two trauma-bonding over it in some sick, twisted way, okay?” I spilled in one quick breath.
The disappointment was evident around the room.
“I’m taking her out tonight,” I added. “Day by day, is all. One of our bucket list assignments is eating at a Michelin-star restaurant. So, I’m going to surprise her by taking her to one.”
Mom smiled gently. “That’s really lovely, Asher. I bet you two will have a wonderful time.”
“I think so, too,” I added with a strange feeling in my gut.
And I couldn’t tell if it was hope…or fear.
Lennon
He wanted to take me out on a date. On a fucking date. Tonight.
The night was already here.
He had been gone all day, at home with family stuff, and something in my bones felt off. I felt off. Like I couldn’t wait any fucking longer.
The urge was strong. A piece of my heart had already been carved out for this, and it felt like it was finally time rather than continuing this facade where I pretended I actually had a happy life.
I didn’t. I never did.
It was only a matter of time before Asher gave up on the bucket list for good and my “reconsideration” of life itself wouldn’t be real enough. I might have considered it, but it was the same hollow consideration I had always given.
