“There is. There definitely is such a thing as too happy.”
“I had no idea.”
He sat a little straighter. “I need to tell you something, Katherine. And it might hurt your feelings. I might hurt you a lot. It's something I'm not proud of. At all. But I have to tell you.”
My heart was pounding. What in the world could he be talking about? Did he want me to make him miserable? Because I was pretty sure I could do that if he really wanted me to. “Whatever is bothering you, just tell me.”
He pulled me into a hug and held the side of my head against his chest, rocking me back and forth. It was both reassuring and unsettling. It felt as though he was preparing me not merely for bad news, but for the worst news ever. “Think about it. I wrote my best songs when you and I were apart. All those years I was out there in the world missing you or running in circles, thinking that we would never be together. The first album was good, but everything after that, everything I wrote after you left, was my best work.”
I pushed back and peered into those gray eyes I loved so much. It all made sense now. And it had been in front of me the whole time. “That's why you never came looking for me.”
“I’m not proud of it. I hate it. I feel like a selfish asshole, but every time I seriously considered looking for you, a new song would spill out of me, and that started this sick cycle of longing for you and depriving myself. That helped me write the songs that people seem to love.”
“Are you saying you want to break up?”
He laughed and forced me to give in to his hug again. “No. I'm saying my career might not be much to brag about soon.”
“Daddy.” Fiona pushed open the door. “I think I'm sick.”
That made two of us. Eamon touched her forehead with the back of his hand. “She's burning up.”
“She wasn’t feeling well at lunch.” I took her small hand in mine. Her skin was hot and dry. “I think she might have a fever.” I ran into the kitchen and grabbed some Tylenol and a glass of water.
Eamon brought her into the living room and sat her down on the couch. “Take these, darling.”
Fiona closed her mouth and turned her head away. “No.”
“Why not?” Eamon seemed both exhausted and still frustrated.
I kneeled next to Fiona. “I need you to take these for me. They'll make you feel better.”
“I hate pills. It feels like I'm going to choke.”
Eamon shrugged, telling me without words that I was on my own.
“I’ll make Daddy get ice cream. Whatever flavor you want.”
“Ice cream sounds disgusting.” She made a terrible face, her eyes half open.
Eamon pulled his phone out of his pocket. “That's it. She's really sick. We're going to have to call a doctor.”
It was absolutelytrue that in New York, you could get anything delivered, especially if you were willing to pay for it. Case in point, the doctor Eamon was able to get to come to the apartment on very short notice. Her fever had gone down a bit after the Tylenol, but it was still above one hundred. The doctor was sure whatever she had was viral. For now, we were to watch her, keep her hydrated, and let her rest.
The doctor’s orders were no problem. I couldn’t bear to leave her side, so I curled up next to her in bed. My need to be with her came with an even stronger feeling than I'd had earlier that day in the office. I wanted to shield her from everything. I wanted to build a bubble around her and keep everything and everyone else out.
“Rachel wants to talk to you.” In the darkness of Fiona's room, Eamon handed me his phone and sat on the edge of the bed. “Go on. I'll watch her.”
I handed him the washcloth I'd been holding on Fiona's forehead and took the call, ducking out into the hall. “Rachel. Hi.”
“I didn’t want to bother you, but I had to get your take on things. Eamon can get a bit freaked out by things like this. He doesn't do well with illness, especially not since his mam passed.”
I tiptoed farther down the hall. “Oh, he's been wonderful with her. No freaking out at all. Or at least not as much as me. But the doctor assured us everything will be fine. And don't worry. I won't leave her side. I'll stay with her all night.” I knew very well that this was not a life-or-death situation, but for the first time, I felt like I understood what it must mean to be a parent. To want to switch places with someone. To want more than anything to take away their suffering. As difficult as it was to endure, something about it felt so right. Like I was where I belonged.
“Thank you. I'm so glad you're there. And not just for Fiona. I know Eamon needs you, too.”
If only Rachel had a few dozen hours for me to explain how much it meant to be needed, especially right now. “I wouldn't want to be anywhere else.” With everything as fucked up as it was, with my own sister hating my guts and making me persona non grata at the wedding I'd helped her plan, it gave me immense inner peace to be able to say that to Rachel and to know in my heart that it was absolutely true.
“He loves you, ya know. It's killing him a bit that you won't marry him.”
